Monday, 2 January 2017

Wishing you a wonderful, kind and positive year that is 2017

Wishing you all a truly wonderful, positive New Year that is 2017... may you give present moment awareness to those sometimes scary areas of life that need tending with kindness and love.

May you feel brave enough to speak your words of truth as you honour those in your life who you love with respect, support and compassion.

And finally nurture and tend to yourself so you can shine your lovely light...

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Shortest Day of the Year, Elvis' Lonely This Christmas and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Today is the shortest day of the year and as we move towards Christmas for so many who are separated, divorcing or on their own through loss, even on this shortest of days, it can feel so very, very long.  

I felt this very recently, having taken myself off to a local supermarket with a cheery smile and thoughts of the days becoming longer, lighter and with a new year looming.  When I suddenly found myself at the droning mercy of dear Elvis and his Lonely This Christmas permeating my happy thoughts as I bought my Christmas fare.  

It got me, it hit me hard and I swallowed and fought back leaky tears - aaaaaahhhhhh why this song is still being played I have no idea!  It is not a cheery song, it is a bloody miserable, self indulgent song and serves nothing more than to remind those of us on our own that it is lonely at Christmas. Opening up that Christmas stocking full of emotional wobbles to the goose fat display, the teary eyedness to the chocolate yule log stack and the so fully conscious of what their personal situation is to the lines of bottles of champagne!!

No, no and no it is not a good song to play at this time of year - for all you good folk around the country arranging white noise that includes this song whilst we purchase our parsnips please stop it!  If nothing else I suddenly wanted to escape said supermarket, I didn't feel the slightest bit cheery anymore, I felt small, alone and I left without buying the milk I had originally come for.  

So this time of year is really hard, for those divorced, separated or on their own through loss of a partner, loneliness pervades.  

And what can you do to avoid the deep and unseen wells of human emotions.... happily, with a smile on my face and a cup of tea beside me it is .... SHOPPING ONLINE.  I have thankfully found this not only avoids the frenetic, energetic, mad purchasing power of the masses, but it has the smugness of lack of overspending with a single 'click' of a button. Plus the benefit of listening to maybe BBC Radio 6 Music in your own home.   Easy, calm and less draining ... it works for me. 

And it is during these challenging times I am reminded of this wonderful piece written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross... 

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen."

...when I am caught in the emotional headlights I try very hard to remember the many, many people who are not only on their own, but who are dealing with the most saddest of situations, losses, fears and in many parts of the world, with a lack of pretty much everything.  And it is the beauty, compassion and kindness that we can all feel in our hearts, that we can hold, no matter what our personal life challenges are during this festive period. And do we feel loneliness, sadness and dread simply just because we care...? 

So look ridiculous and SMILE at everyone, GREET those you only know a little well, tell those you love - tell them, email them, tweet FB them, tell them you LOVE them... we can all do it... and it feels good when it happens, our hearts burst with feel good emotions, happiness tickles our bodies and lights up our brains like a decorated Christmas tree... and how good can that feel?

With love and few festive Ho Ho Ho's .......x

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

No Fault Divorce - Please Let There be a Better Way

So today in the UK over 150 family justice professionals are coming to Parliament to meet their local MPs.  What is this for? A very good and honourable cause ... they are coming to talk to their MPs about why the Government needs to allow for a NO FAULT DIVORCE. This is good news!

For me and my ex husband it was a stumbling block in our commitment to having a respectful, kind and good divorce.  Neither of us had felt we had acted in any way unreasonably in the weeks following our initial discussions of our divorce and neither of us had committed adultery.  The question on the page was glaringly acrimonious... it made us stop, we were uncertain of the way forward and it was the last question on the Petition Form we completed.  

We were eager to get the divorce going and this could clearly be a 'flashpoint'.  And it was, as neither of us wanted to be separated for the next two years without being able to move on. 

So after several heated discussions, I agreed to take responsibility and tick the adultery box. My Ex had a business and wanted his history to be clear of any such attachments and I didn't want to fight.  When you decide to get a divorce you are at the stage where YOU KNOW that divorce is really the only way forward and that for your only crime to be to 'fall out of love' this question is unkind.  It is a hurdle that so many couples in our position have faced.  We are good people and at the end of the day want what is best for us, for our children, our families and friends.  

Surely this doesn't need to be a requirement of a couple seeking to get divorced amicably and with less stress, anxiety and conflict?  Do our children nee
d to see further upset between their separating parents?  No, I do not think so.  For me personally, the desire for my divorce to not define the rest of my life was incredibly important.  So does for me ticking the adulterer box affect my life, thankfully no - I choose not to be affected by the blame game that can so often ensue between separating couples.  I am okay with my decision. Did it have to happen - yes it did, because the question was there on the page, so does this still have to be part of a painful, guilt ridden and sad process - absolutely not.

The support separating couples require during such a scary, turbulent and distressing time is at it's most crucial and small steps can be made in reducing the finger pointing and judgemental 'unhelpfuls' such as this.  Divorce is not easy, it is hard whether you divorce with kindness or not.  We all struggle under the "Divorce" hat, it is unyielding, heavy and full of pain.  We do know there is a better way, a kinder way and more supportive way to help many, many members of our society through their troubles.  

Thank you Resolution for bringing this to the fore and I was happy to help today, sharing my experience of something that had been a really difficult decision during a painful process.

Natasha x

Thursday, 24 November 2016

 Okay we are about to bomb burst this Divorce Goddess baby out of the blog water and onto a rock and roll website FULL OF authentic and cool stuff to help, support and give you the tools you need to RE-find your INNER funny, the gorgeousness that is you and the knowing belief that the rest of your life is not going to be defined by your divorce. 

WE are a rising of strong, generous hearted and supported sisters AND we are here to hold YOU so you can totally be the best person you know you authentically are through your divorce and your future extraordinary life with integrity, grace and kindness.

Pop your details into the Follow by email link whilst it's here... catching our divorce positive dust... and be in the know for what is about to explode on to the world wide web for divorce...

Big healthy sunny love x  and a big fat rooaaaaarrrrrr!!!!!