Sunday, 7 September 2014

Unexpected Treasures Found When Moving House

No matter who you are, where you are moving to or how you are getting there  ... moving house is a moment in our lives to really consider our treasures .....

So these life treasures we hold in our minds, in our hearts and in their physical state.  Are they the treasured mementos of times past? Of the once happy snapshots of married life and the collectibles dear at the time that now no longer hold the intrinsic value they once had. 

Or... are they the treasures within us, those extra pockets of emotional oxygen that we need to free dive deeply for. Those places that enable us to have the strength to surface, gasping at the blue skied, positive and joyous wonderland that exists beyond the fear?  

Moving house, no matter how many times we go through the process is exhausting. It is so very easy to find yourself in true moronic modus operandi.  

YOU need that bed of decompression to ease your very tired body, now muscle popplingly painful and to soothe the brow of those attempting to brain balance children, animals, cardboard boxes, a job, cooking, cleaning, household bills and budgets ... To be given a decompression token when you are moving house as a single parent is a like a Willy Wonka Golden Swim With The Dolphins Spa Ticket. 

So my moving house experience, for the fourth time in three years has very generously brought me to this slightly scary realization. That no matter how canny and good at this moving malarkey I think I am, there is a whole load of energy being poured into house moving that leaves you humanly on every level so very tired. 

However, and here is the great stuff - you may be weary, but the unexpected triumphant feelings that surface as a single parent through these times in your extraordinary life are the strength rosettes you will carry with you always.

Geographic relocation with children especially, becomes an exercise in diplomacy of extraordinary proportions.  With this moving thing, no matter how good or how used to it they are, it brings out their fear monkeys who 'don't throw anything away because it is going to get scary and it is all going to CHANGE'.  

Children don't like losing their treasures. Well of course they don't, none of us want to lose our treasures... however, when moving to a smaller, cosier home our little family start remembering that it is the love we have for each other which is our treasure and really the only padding we need and the extra hugs that bind loving words. 

It is good to remember that moving from your old life to the new is an opportunity to release all that was and embrace, no matter how dog tired you are, the experience of letting go.  I look around my house at the endless, literally endless boxes that pile high on every surface creating a skyline worthy of a Middle Eastern new city and I just want to pick them up, blind to the contents and then carry them straight into a charity shop.  

I have my head monkeys sat rather seriously around a bunch of dive tanks debating the need for the weight belts of stuff in our lives and the process of letting go. Positive thoughts...are ... do we release as much of the 'old' as humanly possible to allow the 'new' to enter in? Or do we keep and store our beautiful treasures in the sure and positive belief that this is merely a temporary situation and the future is so abundant that we will need lots of treasures to fill our new and bigger home?

And then there is the important point of do we really want to take all our 'stuff'
that made up our family homes before into our new one? Does not the experience of release and moving on send the old stuff packing and welcome a different, lighter place filled with laughter, love and a very much treasured opportunity of the new?

Love Natasha x

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Moving house!

To all the lovely dear readers who follow me all over the World. From happy places, sad places, from places of peace and places of conflict. I want to tell you that all you wonderful readers give me such strength, positivity and hope to continue to write especially when life gets really tough.  

I have been slow of late in writing as my life has been filled with a degree of uncertainty over the last couple of months and I have on occasions let those fear monkeys in to party in my head, clog it, fog it and fill it up with unhelpful stuff.

The subject of me moving house and renting a less expensive, smaller house has been ruminating for a few months. As a parent your fears for putting a roof over your head for your children, yourself and your pets is none more invitational to the fear monkeys as when you are divorcing.  Unless you are so very fortunate to have someone watching your back financially, the night terrors become your dreams and your basic existence of four walls for a safe place for your children is your reality.

So through serendipity, a little karma, a touch of kismet and the Universe a house fell into my lap...... I believed so hard it would come and not always in the form you thought it would appear. But it has come to me, my children and my dogs and I have such enormous gratitude to what life hands you in all its sparkling incredible glory you when you are least expecting it.

So I am surrounded by boxes, moving existence has hit our little house and this is why my blog has been quiet.... I am filled with inspiration to write about these months and share with you all the continued belief I have that all will be well, it will be OK. We will have a safe roof over our heads, which is at the end of the day what truly matters.

With my love Natasha

Thursday, 26 June 2014

The Power in Forgiving Yourself

Self-forgiveness is really hard.  Within our lives, there are so many pressures to succeed, stay strong and maintain self worth. And these feelings have the ability, at any given moment, to sneak up and without warning, consume your mind, body and spirit.  

Being kind and forgiving yourself a little more through separation or divorce is weighty and sometimes an unexpected task now added to your perhaps List of Forgiveness jobs.

However, self-forgiveness does exist in all of our hearts. Why, because we all know that as with self-love, it is a good idea to start with our good selves first. How are we ever going to learn to forgive anyone else, until the blatant blaze of scary rawness within us is soothed, understood, given time and due process to be still and calm?

We have become so very proficient at layering up the proverbial guilt ridden and genius moments of indulgence.  Perhaps with unhelpful foods, smoking, drinking, feeling the big resentment, hurt, shame or anger... 

We already know that we will not disappoint the fear monkeys who sit on our shoulders waving that cupcake with a knowing nod to our guilt laden scales.  

Or the eternally optimistic ego, co-existing quietly and darkly with the head primates during our daylight hours. So why is it so hard to extend love and self-forgiveness to our good, loving and trusting hearts? Why can we not boost our sometimes lonely little battered spirit along its way? 

We can begin to understand the difference to our lives, by choosing, one day at a time not to beat ourselves up over the many sometimes, inexplicable life decisions. 

So is this the prescriptive daily judgement of being human which should govern our lives? Why do we do it?  Can we not just let the baton of self-flagellation be still for just one day, a week or possibly for ever?

Can we be the most focused, self-supporting and gorgeously forgiving gift to ourselves, especially during times of sadness, hardship and confusion?  Do we begin to allow this positivity of feeling to make the difference and become the AMAZING start to any day? 

Forgiving yourself is one of the most important steps in making peace with your life. Its about understanding you are a wonderfully loving human being.  It is all the happiness you can be and your amazing contribution of beautiful energy into the World around you.  

It could also be, that once in a while a little cake helps ....
With love Natasha

Friday, 13 June 2014

Father's Day and a Divorce

As all divorced mums and dads know there are just some days during the year that are trickier emotionally than others. Pulling the big bag of generosity out of our depleted reserves is thus sometimes a whole lot tougher than others.

Here is a question, in this modern co-parenting and divorcing, married and distance managing family world of ours are we all subscribing to Father’s Day?

We know that there are more Fathers now staying at home.  They are more hands on helping, contributing to childcare and supporting the family fabric of our lives.  As well, the good intentions of Fathers are there in their thoughts and actions, despite the balance of the pressures of commuting, long working hours and increasing financial pressures. 

So the marketeering monkeys are all set with cards, chocolates, books and golf or fish style additions to give our Fathers the assurance of love and worthiness. Whether you believe in celebrating Father's Day or not is immaterial. It can be a wonderful, caring opportunity for separating or divorced families to help make things good

Is it entirely possible to leave your ego at the door of your aching heart and gift your kids the value of time and effort to show their appreciation for their Dad?  Does then Father's Day become a day to relent a little, forgive and extend respect to the Dad of your children?

Are you so very fortunate in your relationship with the children's Father, to be able to support your children with the acknowledgement of their Dad in whichever role and in whatever form that is?

Can divorce become a big 'Welcome to Real Fatherville' flag to Dads who perhaps haven't in the past paid so much attention to their children and can really start to get to know them. The very fact that Fathers will have one to one time in the future with their children will certainly enable the 'getting to know' the every nuance our children have.  Divorcing dads may have to learn to cook, iron, organise homework and sort out the bickering and truly understand how much emotional support is needed during childhood and those divorcing tough times. 

Is it not right then, if your children's Father is present in whatever shape or form in your children's lives that Father's Day should be given due credence and note?  Or maybe not if that fine human emotion of respect has been dragged kicking and screaming into the fear monkey's castle of sadness, which is divorce. Or that our children associate the celebration of Father's Day as a big, smack in the tummy reality that their Father is just not around. Thus questioning that he even cares and does he warrant any such attachment such as recognition, love and respect?

So is Father's Day a celebration of what is good about Dads? Or is it another opportunity for us all to realise the disparities between the monkey marketeers judgement and the reality of the modern family?

Could it just be that the simplicity is in the biological fact that he is their Dad. Fundamentally, it would seem that all children want to know is that the other parental half of what created them, in some way, could be acknowledged by his existence. That they are supported with the simple fact that their Dads are important in their lives.

I know that my children are happier for the respect I show towards their Dad. They are more relaxed and content that he is a part of their lives.  Their Father’s Day this year will be a positive for him, their relationship and future will be all the more productive and respectful.  The ability to support this special eternal relationship will be a reward for all, that kindness and love is the way forward.

Just now need to get organised, find the arts and crafts regalia for the cards and with it the proclamation of Dad love

With love Natasha