Sunday, 5 October 2014

Divorce and the Post Summer Holiday

Summer holidays already seem so very long gone. Harvests are tucked up in warm hay barns and the once laden berry bushes of promise and delicious treats are melted into jars for the winter ahead.

Why is it then, at this time of year, when we should all be snuggling down as the cosiest of loved up couples, do many decide that a hot water bottle, onesy or bar of chocolate is the trade off material salve for the warmth of our partner.   

How sad that the thought of a winter with cosy fires, warm stews and love should leave so many couples cold and bereft of the dark winter months of togetherness. 

The truth is, the post summer months are heralded as the busiest for the divorcing industrial machine. One so perfectly oiled during the heady summer months ready to catch, sort and distribute the chaff of troubled couples and families.  

And so with a reluctance and belief in the positives of what my divorce journey has been for me, I snuck a look back into our summer holiday road trip through France. Two years ago where on day three we decided to get a divorce.  It all came easyjetting back, those summer holidays of what, should in reality be, the scrummy summer pudding bake off, but so often, is the finale of another marital relationship.  

So why does a summer holiday become the overdone, hardened and disappointing ta daaaah moment?  There is no joy in taking your beautiful sponge cake out of the oven after all the commitment to the process, binding graft and your finest emotional ingredients, to be faced with a sunken, once was treasure devoid of any glorified love.

Why is it that holidays absorb so much that is vulnerable in marriage, exposing relationship truths and seek to, declare the arid, dry cracks that are clearly visible on a now quite barren relationship ground?

Summer holidays are booked with the wonderful belief of renewed excitement, the enveloping warmth of sunny togetherness and the time generous promise of a relationship bond. The simplicity head monkeys beckon us seductively out of our crazy, busy lives and so we gather up our children, our marital partners, our gorgeous holiday wardrobes and head off to an airport or dock with the heady feeling of a PROMISE.  We perhaps bat aside, with newly manicured hand, any of those head monkey malingering thoughts of potential holiday irritation.  Those especially associated with our partners, airport dramas or a long child filled journey on the peage. Instead we are eternally optimistic, looking forward to a fun, laughter filled and adventurous holiday of relaxation. The ideal, the lazy, the hazy endless days of beautiful love, sex and happy hearts.  

Has the summer holiday marker penned the highlighted truth that children bind, time together concentrates the mind and provides the reality checker for another year in a relationship? Does the thought of snuggling up with someone who we feel so far away from emotionally, leave us that cold, vulnerable to the chills of life and love. Does gorgeous autumn become the season to shed those dead leaves and is the opportunity to start anew?

The numbers would report a firm yes, with post-Christmas coming in a close second for the divorcing numbers. 
 Mediation is once again busy with those understanding their summer holidays confirmed their worst fears, vulnerabilities and the winter months approach with the chill of divorce upon them.

SO do we not want, with the end of the harvest and gathering of comforts, a time to bolster the depleted stores of love, care and respect for the heart of our other?  Or do we perhaps leave it for a few more months, in the hope that evenings together in comfortable iPad silence, will reignite the dying embers of our once burning hearts?  

With love Natasha x

Saturday, 4 October 2014

A Big Lovely Thank You to All my Readers

I am just the most excited person... I have found 'time' .again and have started writing my blog .... 

Our extraordinary lives can and without reason, throw so many unexpected fastballs at us that we just sometimes find ourselves inexplicably out of our 24 hours. There is no time to be really doing anything we love, that helps heal us and keeps our weary little heads bobbing above the blustery seas that very often can be our lives. 

The realization that even a small amount of this most precious time, in our crazy fast world is about giving ourselves permission ....  to have a little fun.  This allowance can be the antidote to those head monkey feelings of unworthiness.  We are all worthy of time for our incredible selves.  To finding that place, where time is for you and you only is cathartic, medicinal and without doubt so important, if indeed any one of us are to continue at the pace we do.  Pausing, breathing and being in the present even for ten minutes every day is the clear wake up validation that we all need head space....

So a huge thank you to all my loyal, lovely readers for your continued support during this less productive time. 

I am incredibly humbled that so many of you read my blog, from countries all over the world that are peaceful, in the midst of conflict and are fragile. You inspire me to write, to share my thoughts and experiences and I thank you.  

I am recharged, excited and inspired...

Remember ....

With love Natasha x

I also post daily positive quotes and thoughts in support of our extraordinary lives on my Facebook page Divorce Goddess please Like to see them x

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Unexpected Treasures Found When Moving House

No matter who you are, where you are moving to or how you are getting there  ... moving house is a moment in our lives to really consider our treasures .....

So these life treasures we hold in our minds, in our hearts and in their physical state.  Are they the treasured mementos of times past? Of the once happy snapshots of married life and the collectibles dear at the time that now no longer hold the intrinsic value they once had. 

Or... are they the treasures within us, those extra pockets of emotional oxygen that we need to free dive deeply for. Those places that enable us to have the strength to surface, gasping at the blue skied, positive and joyous wonderland that exists beyond the fear?  

Moving house, no matter how many times we go through the process is exhausting. It is so very easy to find yourself in true moronic modus operandi.  

YOU need that bed of decompression to ease your very tired body, now muscle popplingly painful and to soothe the brow of those attempting to brain balance children, animals, cardboard boxes, a job, cooking, cleaning, household bills and budgets ... To be given a decompression token when you are moving house as a single parent is a like a Willy Wonka Golden Swim With The Dolphins Spa Ticket. 

So my moving house experience, for the fourth time in three years has very generously brought me to this slightly scary realization. That no matter how canny and good at this moving malarkey I think I am, there is a whole load of energy being poured into house moving that leaves you humanly on every level so very tired. 

However, and here is the great stuff - you may be weary, but the unexpected triumphant feelings that surface as a single parent through these times in your extraordinary life are the strength rosettes you will carry with you always.

Geographic relocation with children especially, becomes an exercise in diplomacy of extraordinary proportions.  With this moving thing, no matter how good or how used to it they are, it brings out their fear monkeys who 'don't throw anything away because it is going to get scary and it is all going to CHANGE'.  

Children don't like losing their treasures. Well of course they don't, none of us want to lose our treasures... however, when moving to a smaller, cosier home our little family start remembering that it is the love we have for each other which is our treasure and really the only padding we need and the extra hugs that bind loving words. 

It is good to remember that moving from your old life to the new is an opportunity to release all that was and embrace, no matter how dog tired you are, the experience of letting go.  I look around my house at the endless, literally endless boxes that pile high on every surface creating a skyline worthy of a Middle Eastern new city and I just want to pick them up, blind to the contents and then carry them straight into a charity shop.  

I have my head monkeys sat rather seriously around a bunch of dive tanks debating the need for the weight belts of stuff in our lives and the process of letting go. Positive thoughts...are ... do we release as much of the 'old' as humanly possible to allow the 'new' to enter in? Or do we keep and store our beautiful treasures in the sure and positive belief that this is merely a temporary situation and the future is so abundant that we will need lots of treasures to fill our new and bigger home?

And then there is the important point of do we really want to take all our 'stuff'
that made up our family homes before into our new one? Does not the experience of release and moving on send the old stuff packing and welcome a different, lighter place filled with laughter, love and a very much treasured opportunity of the new?

Love Natasha x

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Moving house!

To all the lovely dear readers who follow me all over the World. From happy places, sad places, from places of peace and places of conflict. I want to tell you that all you wonderful readers give me such strength, positivity and hope to continue to write especially when life gets really tough.  

I have been slow of late in writing as my life has been filled with a degree of uncertainty over the last couple of months and I have on occasions let those fear monkeys in to party in my head, clog it, fog it and fill it up with unhelpful stuff.

The subject of me moving house and renting a less expensive, smaller house has been ruminating for a few months. As a parent your fears for putting a roof over your head for your children, yourself and your pets is none more invitational to the fear monkeys as when you are divorcing.  Unless you are so very fortunate to have someone watching your back financially, the night terrors become your dreams and your basic existence of four walls for a safe place for your children is your reality.

So through serendipity, a little karma, a touch of kismet and the Universe a house fell into my lap...... I believed so hard it would come and not always in the form you thought it would appear. But it has come to me, my children and my dogs and I have such enormous gratitude to what life hands you in all its sparkling incredible glory you when you are least expecting it.

So I am surrounded by boxes, moving existence has hit our little house and this is why my blog has been quiet.... I am filled with inspiration to write about these months and share with you all the continued belief I have that all will be well, it will be OK. We will have a safe roof over our heads, which is at the end of the day what truly matters.

With my love Natasha