Love stuck or love struck – how do you survive Valentine’s DayDivorce, self-love and surviving Valentine’s Day – yes please! So is this day a day for you? Do you want to be receiving flowers, a card or chocolates? Or so very grateful you’re not?
This Valentine’s Day you may be on your own and not with your partner, husband or wife. It can feel either a joy to be single or the saddest reminder that you are alone. And if you’re used to being with someone, it can hit hard and feelings of grief can resurrect themselves. This day can feel, for many, many people so very different.
I want to share with you my three tips for surviving Valentine’s Day and STILL feel some love.
So Valentine’s is about celebrating love, and honestly, if you are reading this – it may not feel like you have enough of this in your life. Especially going through divorce and separation. And this day is, a reminder on many levels of the love that isn’t there in our lives, that we are hoping will appear or are looking for in somebody else.
This Valentine’s Day, if you are single, I want you to think about this. Try loving yourself – you could start with a beautiful bunch of your favourite flowers. The ones that make you smile when you see or smell them. Treat yourself to lovely chocolates or a special treat for supper. Go get yourself some beautiful underwear if that makes you happy! Valentine heart red is good, red is the colour of the first chakra – it grounds you if you are feeling emotional – hell yes!
Spend time with yourself if your heart is aching. Get good at being with the lovely you first rather than trying to find that love in somebody else. Come back to who you are, a loving big-hearted human being.
So this is my first surviving Valentine’s Day tip, go and buy yourself a gift or experience. Whether it is that bunch of blooms to love, look at and enjoy, to put on your desk or by your bed. To fully enjoy them as if they had come from a partner, lover or someone special in your life. If you’re not into flowers get creative with a useful gift that you’ll love using or experience. Go do something different that makes you feel amazing! Or it could just be picking up the phone and saying hello to an old friend – I’m actually going to do this!
And if your diet is going to love chocolates, then go buy some of those for yourself too. My personal favourites are Green and Blacks with enough healthy dark choc options available, believe me I’ll feel positively angelic! And as you eat those chocolates, know that you are precious, loved and you are enough – always, it can sound so easy to say, but not always to feel…
Every day we see love everywhere. Couples pottering, families together and lovers holding hands. Be aware that this day is the LOVE spotlight and you have a choice whether to look into it. To get blinded and feel LOVE STUCK rather than LOVE STRUCK. So why focus on love when it exists in our lives each day. So this year, if you are feeling lonely and sad, grieving and unloved, let this be the last time you feel this way. You can decide to always have love, whether it’s for anybody else, or you. You are love. You are love, even through separation and divorce you are still love. And did I mention you are enough?
My second Valentine’s Day Survival tip is to notice how you talk to yourself. Listen and hear the words you use, are you being hard on yourself for being lonely in a relationship or single? Be gentle, don’t judge, be love. Love is never critical. Would you talk to a friend or lover or partner in that way? Be kind with yourself and your words. Speak lovingly to yourself and forgive yourself if you need to, for being where you are on Valentines Day.
And if you want to see my previous blog on Valentine’s here the link or listen to the latest podcast EP 14 – Getting divorced and want to feel good?
My third survivial tip for Valentine’s Day is this. Remember how much you love receiving flowers. So be the giver of flowers this year. If you have friends or family members who are single or divorced go and give them a bunch. Take round some chocolates or fizz and celebrate love in all it’s warts and all glory! Drop a card into a single neighbour, send your teenagers some love. Remember the people you love who are on their own. Let them receive a Valentine’s Day present a Valentine’s Day gift of flowers or chocolates, or card.
I once remember a lovely friend who, the day before Valentine’s Day would buy a couple of bunches of roses. And place a rose on random car’s windscreens in a car park. I remember she did that to me. I felt such joy at finding a rose there, as did others. We felt love, it didn’t matter from who, we felt it in our hearts. Others looked so shocked and happy that somebody had thought to do this.
So I love random acts of kindness, in giving a single or a bunch of flowers to a stranger or a friend helps us feel love. We connect with the feeling of love, it is there in our hearts, it is palpable and so much feels good. It’s a very powerful way of giving our minds, especially love poor divorce minds a real loving boost. Think of it as a loving hug to ourselves. Feel the rush into your body as you remind yourself it is there, always, if you have the courage to love, yourself.
You are not a failure because you have no card, chocolates or flowers from a partner. You are enough. You are worth buying yourself a bunch of flowers, or a gift or whatever you wish to do and be with the love for yourself. And if this feels difficult then pass the love onto somebody else. And if the Valentine’s Day mind monkeys party in your lovely head, go for a walk, meditate, read a book or have a good cry – it always works for me.
Oh in case you were wondering whether I am love stuck or love struck I’m neither… I’ll be taking myself off for a long soak in my bath with the last (sigh) of my favourite Jo Malone Red Roses Bath Oil (ermm hint) with candles… this can only be an act of self-love.
Enjoy your Valentine’s Day and remember…
There is always love out there and also within. Love always begins with you.
With single love
Tosh xx