Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Managing a Co-Parenting Christmas After Divorce

Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash
I have been having a big think about Christmas, what it means during or after a divorce and how best we can weather the emotional storms this time of year can bring. Aching hearts, angry emotions and more often than not children in the mix - it is a fine time for so much to go right or wrong.

So this year I wanted to share something with you.  

It would seem this year the co-parenting that my Ex and I have both worked so hard at, has reaped its karmic kindness, call it an understanding Christmas bonus with abundant goodwill. For real!

Here is the deal, I was due to go to my Sister's for a big family Christmas. My children love seeing their cousins and it was a rare opportunity for a family Christmas. It was also my Ex's Christmas with the teens and he generously agreed after a respectful, diplomatic and set it all out in a reasonable way - ie no dictating to, threatening or emotional blackmail behaviour that is, for me to have our teens this year. 

It was all planned, everyone content, accepting and happy. Then the call came from my sister about ongoing, laborious and slow building work at her house and thus our family Christmas was to be cancelled. Noooooooo - the decision, the disappointment and the reshuffling, rescheduling and best laid plans all came tumbling down... 

And this is life, and as is so often the way, fast side balls come out of nowhere, they do their damnedest to wobble, mess with our heads and hearts. It is then that we need to remember to try to step back from our emotions, the jumbles of thoughts and scenarios crowding our frazzled minds and to breathe. To accept that these things happen, plans change and how our mind monkeys can grab this opportunity and run with the 'disaster' scenario running through our minds, if we let them. 

So I am thinking that maybe, this plan was not what was meant to happen this year... disappointing yes! A desperately failed Christmas - no...

So I phoned my Ex, explained the situation and asked him if he could spend Christmas with our teens. He was delighted, confirming his work - literally in the last couple of days has taken him away somewhere hot and would I be okay if he flew the teens out with his partner for a couple of weeks on a warm lovely holiday? 
Photo by Chris Brignola on Unsplash

Amazing! The joy of how life rolls! We will Skype on Christmas Day, I will spend Christmas with friends and our teens will be loving some warm sea and fun beach time with their dad. Not one person in this scenario is making any demands emotionally on our children during this time. Divorce time and Christmas is heavy, this we know. 

Call it serendipity, flow or whatever. The more we notice and let go, the simpler life becomes. With kindness, understanding and being mindful of each other, the more we relax, and the more we all relax the easier everything becomes. The Law of Attraction, positive attracts positive - whatever sits well with you is what seems to fill the uncertain life spaces when we let go. 

Christmas is about our children, and we as parents need to be bigger, to let go of and stop shaking our control freakery maracas every now and then, and to trust that the right thing will happen. We feel better if we are all kinder and more understanding. To be able to work together without rigid boundaries and let life flow when...  we get out of our own way...
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Try to be open to any changes that happen, understand there just may be a reason why things don't always go the way we want them to. Celebrate and embrace the life changes, the adjustments or reworkings.  Life is too short for us to see the unexpected as always being negative...

Wishing you all a fantastically karmic, kind and gentle Christmas...

Natasha x

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