The many variables of elusive love is a mission for so many, this frantic - will I won't I - will he or she? I read recently that Millennials are beginning to realise their whole ethos around love and the need to control it is not going so well. With high expectations, vague and debatable commitment and failure to be authentic is now properly muddying their romantic waters.
So... where do we find love? When 'should' we find love or 'should' we even be trying to find love? Divorce and separation as with love, happens through all the seasons, and with it for so many come the wondrous opportunities of the jewel in our human crowns. And this is the thing, finding love in the depths of the super internet highway of apps and websites can become all consuming. Checking dating sites can become the new FB go to, the elation, disappointments and frustrations being created when an orange message bubble pops up. Our pesky monkey minds have died and gone to mischief heaven... these sites whilst for some are the answer and love is veritably found, are for many a source of angst, disappointment and confidence wobbling exercises - as if we didn't need any more of it after divorce...
Is it possible then to try, just for a while, to not seek love but instead allow love to find us. When I teach mindfulness I encourage my clients to try practising acceptance with 'letting go' rather than being resigned and 'holding on'. So is the thought that we could allow love find us, rather than the relentless seeking of it, not be such an enormous relief to so many? Just 'being' with the idea that if you are not on the great 'love' search that you could just possibly still find love by just 'being' rather than 'doing'?
So 'should' we be finding love, with the constant consumption of our spare time on our devices? The feverish checking of messages, a cheeky Smile or Like, noticing how we are feeling as we go through the yes's, the no's and the lack of messages or do we just sit back and wait for Mr or Ms Properly Right come waltzing through our door? I believe and trust that love will happen if you let it.
This is not to say I am shying away from online opps for fear of rejection or disappointment, only that I am OK with not having to search. My feelings of self-worth are good, positive and I feel fully in my power. I know love is there for me, with its sneaky unexpected boom out of nowhere pop of cherubic 'bullseye-ishness', as opposed to "when I have sorted my business out, my teenagers finished their exams or before I get my car fixed"... because I fully believe that love happens when we least expect it, when we aren't trying to control it and that I find even more exciting.
Love is not something that should be on our list of things to 'do', real love flows like water. And when we get busy and build obstacles, scared of declaring our underbellies to another, attempting to dam the stream of water, and like water, real good sweet love always gently finds a way through, trickling around our avoidance style efforts.
The loves in my life have been the ones least expected, the kind of loves that caught me off guard and the mind blowing serendipitous ones. I know this happens when I pay least attention to any aspect of my life. The Universe gets to work and stuff happens, it is our challenge to let go of our control freakery and fear, paranoia and perhaps a little of the social shame for not having a partner... and trust lovely folk it can happen, with a little trust.
Enjoy your week and may someone lovely bump into you...