Wednesday, 30 November 2016

No Fault Divorce - Please Let There be a Better Way

So today in the UK over 150 family justice professionals are coming to Parliament to meet their local MPs.  What is this for? A very good and honourable cause ... they are coming to talk to their MPs about why the Government needs to allow for a NO FAULT DIVORCE. This is good news!

For me and my ex husband it was a stumbling block in our commitment to having a respectful, kind and good divorce.  Neither of us had felt we had acted in any way unreasonably in the weeks following our initial discussions of our divorce and neither of us had committed adultery.  The question on the page was glaringly acrimonious... it made us stop, we were uncertain of the way forward and it was the last question on the Petition Form we completed.  

We were eager to get the divorce going and this could clearly be a 'flashpoint'.  And it was, as neither of us wanted to be separated for the next two years without being able to move on. 

So after several heated discussions, I agreed to take responsibility and tick the adultery box. My Ex had a business and wanted his history to be clear of any such attachments and I didn't want to fight.  When you decide to get a divorce you are at the stage where YOU KNOW that divorce is really the only way forward and that for your only crime to be to 'fall out of love' this question is unkind.  It is a hurdle that so many couples in our position have faced.  We are good people and at the end of the day want what is best for us, for our children, our families and friends.  

Surely this doesn't need to be a requirement of a couple seeking to get divorced amicably and with less stress, anxiety and conflict?  Do our children nee
d to see further upset between their separating parents?  No, I do not think so.  For me personally, the desire for my divorce to not define the rest of my life was incredibly important.  So does for me ticking the adulterer box affect my life, thankfully no - I choose not to be affected by the blame game that can so often ensue between separating couples.  I am okay with my decision. Did it have to happen - yes it did, because the question was there on the page, so does this still have to be part of a painful, guilt ridden and sad process - absolutely not.

The support separating couples require during such a scary, turbulent and distressing time is at it's most crucial and small steps can be made in reducing the finger pointing and judgemental 'unhelpfuls' such as this.  Divorce is not easy, it is hard whether you divorce with kindness or not.  We all struggle under the "Divorce" hat, it is unyielding, heavy and full of pain.  We do know there is a better way, a kinder way and more supportive way to help many, many members of our society through their troubles.  

Thank you Resolution for bringing this to the fore and I was happy to help today, sharing my experience of something that had been a really difficult decision during a painful process.

Natasha x

Sunday, 20 November 2016

My Secret Tip to Sleeping Better Through Divorce and Life

Sunday Love to You All

A little practice I do almost every night is this and I want to share this with you....

Before you go to sleep at night say a thank you to 3 people who made a difference to you today - through a smile, action or a thought....

Next think of 3 things that happened to you today that were positive, helpful and just maybe made you smile that gorgeous smile of yours....

Research has shown that going to sleep with positive thoughts in our heads helps us sleep better, we are in a more positive place mentally and that can only be a lovely thing....

Love Natasha 

Thursday, 10 November 2016

Divorce Goddess - Empowering you through your divorce!: Feeling the Love in Divorce and in Politics?

Divorce Goddess - Empowering you through your divorce!: Feeling the Love in Divorce and in Politics?: So a great many of the human race have been left reeling after the surprise choice of the USA voting electorate.    There is fear in th...

Feeling the Love in Divorce and in Politics?

So a great many of the human race have been left reeling after the surprise choice of the USA voting electorate.
There is fear in the air, uncertainty of how the threats and promises are going to pan out. With the ripple effect of major upsets in our lives, sometimes unbeknown to us, this affects so many more people than we think.  

So I am throwing in divorce, with the ramifications when marriages are ended. Do we understand that it is also felt by so many in our world?  Whether it is your family, friends and community that are sad, happy or fearing possible outcomes of court warring, is this not similar to the energy of the frightened, shouty, unreasonables of political games and speeches in world politics this year.  

All that we know in our world is that before, during and after a divorce our world becomes so very different.  The shifting tectonic plates of human disagreements, life differences and relationships all maybe jarred beyond recognition or sometimes just imperceptibly different. What I have found is this, that no matter what the current quagmire of a landscape we think our world is in, it is really HOW we deal with such uncertainties in our lives that matters. 

Importantly it is now for our planet, more than ever for us all to realise, understand and believe we ALL have a duty of care.  It is in times of disruption, challenge and those dark shadow nightmare situations, that we have an opportunity to really begin to take a look at ourselves, to be brave and fearless as we look inwards, truly trusting we will find our "best selves". 

To do the work means sometimes looking at the anger we have towards our Ex, the perceived pain inflicted by their behaviour towards us or the unkindness of a world that has changed our lives so badly.  Ask yourself and listen deeply, in a place of stillness, what, why and how did your marriage end in divorce?  

This extraordinary time of politics has demonstrated that in every path there will inevitably be a fork along the way: one to follow anger, hatred and fear and the other fork towards a regrouping, a supportive and collaborative way of life... and divorce too is about beginning once again on that little known forked journey... whether you are a hobbit leaving your cosy home; a divorcee moving into something a little less grand or a property mogul moving into the White House.  

Life cannot be criticised, cursed or damned for throwing up surprises, curve or wrecker balls, because this is when we really authentically learn about ourselves. We can choose to forgive or to maybe discover the ability to be with, nurture and love ourselves.  Spend quality time with our children, our animals and in nature, whilst keeping counsel with our fellow human beings.  

We begin to see our lives from a different and more enlightened perspective.  Like anything difficult this takes work, forgiveness and kindness.  With that life reshuffling of negative biased thoughts of fear, of lack, of pain in divorce, we can ultimately choose a kinder path. And you know something - we feel a better bunch of human beings walking on the 'kind' fork, we like ourselves more when we aren't angry, bitter and at war.

We owe it to ourselves to understand even our own personal world can be a better place if we can release the fear.....and trust in each other with love... 

In the words of The Beatles " All you need is love" 


Letting go is The New Holding on in Breaking Up and Divorce

Letting go is the new holding on.... Why do we behave the same way again and again and expect everything to be different? Through my br...