Friday, 25 December 2015

Divorce - My First Christmas Without My Kids

This is my first Christmas without my kids as a divorcee and in truth I am finding this really hard..... 

I like to think I am usually a positive and cool, accepting and generous parent about my kids. The Ex and I have so very few arguments, disagreements or quarrels about our children. The Ex and I are mostly in agreement about visits, holidays and we really make it work.  So why have I felt so utterly sad at the prospect of waking up on Christmas morning, in my new home that the kids and I now so happily share with a gorgeous man, with no little voices squealing with delight at finding treasures at the end of their beds?....  

So this little unexpected 'saddie', is it because these times do exist in all our lives, just differently, whether you are divorced, separated or married.... acknowledging thoughts of past, unhappy and married Christmas days making my skin prickle. The thing is, it is my first Christmas without my kids and it is hurting... not because my Ex is enjoying their happiness, excitement and mirth, but because my home will just be .... well a whole lot quieter and a lot more different ....

We as humans are so adverse to change, the children included too, no matter how accepting they are, we are all feeling the weirdness of a first Christmas without each other. It is hard for us all.  I am mindfully aware to not allow my wobbled energy to seep into my children's thought arena, I want my beautiful children to enjoy their Christmas.  Despite a different dynamic... mindfully I want to let it go, just be without that little part of my brain and ego shouting for what I know has always been and for what is going to console 'me'...

What is now a normal Christmas in a divorced or separated world? Is it two Christmases, two turkeys with Boxing Day as now the added Christmas Day extra? Does the prospect of this upset children as much as it may do the parents? Of course it does, if there is one day of the year that my kids wish life was different it is Christmas Day. 

Letting that part of human control freakery go is an important step in accepting that life is different after divorce or separation and embracing the differences in all our new lives with positivity and possibilities a kinder and more generous way forward for all.... 
So here is a question.... would as many parents swop a possible day in bed, eating and drinking, being totally and selfishly indulgent, doing whatever they wanted with their Partner, for the sing song laughter of their children opening up their stockings on Christmas morning with a day of cooking, noise and busyness?  

Currently I am working on getting my head and heart around the prospect of a wonderfully self-indulgent mischievous Christmas Day.... to have gratitude that I am handing my children over to my Ex and his Partner who love and adore them and who too want this Christmas to be as special and wonderful as can be...

Have a wonderful Christmas, sending you all love, joy and happiness ....

BIG CHRISTMAS LOVE x

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