Thursday, 1 October 2015

Divorce and Splitting Your Vinyl

'Stuff' in the dictionary amongst other definitions is the material used to pad out a taxidermist's delight... it fills out the skin of a dead animal or bird to restore the original shape and appearance... 

And with this comes the aspect of the 'dead' bit in relationships and the stuff that is bought and collected to keep the marital shell looking as it should. So when we as couples part ways, are we as readily able, with our exciting new lives ahead to allow the shedding of a layer of stuff. A layer which allows us much needed space to grow, breathe and rejuvenate.

Inevitably during separation and divorce there comes that time where you both take a big breath in and decide to take a realistic look at the splitting of your material assets. 

Now generally at this point, the wise choice would be to send any emotional and angry 'Mine' monkeys back as far as, well possibly another galaxy. Splitting the home contents can be tricky territory or it may not ... it kind of depends on how you both choose to draw that material line.  

Whether this line is a firm pen mark drawn definitively and ruleresque down the middle, or a casual pencil wiggle ...or no line and a 'strong with no regrets' walk away from the whole chattel minefield. 

However cool you both are, it can bring up a whole load of buried memories, good times and laughter that can unexpectedly knock you a little sideways. And it is like these 'Mine' monkeys have just crept back in to stir up the proprietorial emotional pot with shared smiles and laughter, still intimate moments that can add to the toughness of the task ahead. 

So when choosing to divvy up your worldly goods, you need to remember this is pretty much a life long decision. You really need to be sure you are not going to live to regret the day you walked or left stuff begrudgingly, because at that certain time you were "going to be fine without it" ... It can just be this little crazy laissez-faire that keeps those resentment monkeys living unhealthily inside your head and heart for years to come. Do we not all know someone who has anguished forever over a rash decision to leave granny's heavy writing bureau? The advice is I guess... when you walk you walk.  

Does padding our lives with "stuff" bear out the basic fundamental human desire to surround and protect yourself with possessions?  In our society we have allowed "stuff" to increasingly define us, our social positioning and something to shop for at the weekend. Stuff sneakily courts and entices enviable recognition, it can place us within the neurotic pecking order of a socio economic group and with it the easy come, easy go material reassurance of life worth.

So these lines we draw whilst sitting in anger, hurt and love? Which do we choose?  Do we choose to punish our Ex through material gain? Do we choose to be guilt free and act with grace?  So what to do? Here is a thought about letting go of all the material stuff you thought ever mattered? Do you trust enough in the Universal Law of Attraction that in letting go, it all comes back as it is supposed to, delivering with it a more altruistic joy?

For sure, especially with children in your lives is it not better to have a little of everything known and familiar to them in each house? But do any of us need the attachment of anger, bitterness and resentment to reside energetically in our future new homes ingrained in pieces of wood, metal or plastic?

That is until the possibility of stuff being taken from you becomes an ever so slightly heavier mantel to bear and you start to grip a little tighter.  Thought processes surrounding 'the stuff' kind of begins with the fears of being able to let go.  The irrational brain throws a garage sale party where everything costs emotionally double and the head monkeys are the security chiefs They aren't letting in any of those free thinking, mindful types and they are just not going to open the door to anyone who wants to play nicely.  

Resistance to handing materialism away is futile, the future of love and happiness versus the big houses, the expensive furniture, cars etc. Stuff hides away happiness, love and freedom and really THIS is the important stuff in life. So is this the time to decide the measure perhaps, of how much we want something? Why does it ultimately matter who keeps what? Where does the line of pride fall?

Nowadays everything linked to technical brilliance can be backed up onto a lofty cloud... the technological age has metered out its positives alone by diminishing the who has what CD or vinyl argument with a little downloading (well OK maybe not the vinyl). A smaller bit of kit to move into your maybe smaller house....  are the days of arguing over vinyl almost gone or maybe that is another blog in itself...  

How many of us would like to think we could be good at managing without the shackles of 'stuff'. That we could all live freely of so much that surrounds us, to live minimally, simply and cathartically cleansing our lives regularly. Sorting through your life accoutrements is a real life lesson in learning to let go of what does not necessarily serve you in your new, exciting and unknown future. 

Natasha x

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