Thursday, 17 September 2015

Meet my Friend Lonely ...

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone - Robin Williams

Okay so I am going to introduce you to an occasional friend called Lonely, who is part of a gang called Perception.  Other feelings in the collective are known as Alone, Unwanted and Empty and together they all have this canny little knack of sneakin’ up on so many of us and when we least expect it. 

Especially at the end of a marriage, relationship, friendship or through death, we experience varying degrees of isolation, fear and sadness.  It is pretty much guaranteed that our old emotional friend ‘Lonely’ will nonchalantly turn up to assess the state of our aching and fearful hearts as we live each day carrying our life 'grocery bags'. 

So in reality how alone are we? We know there are a very great number of human beings, on their own, living their good lives all around this huge planet of ours. There are millions of us all walking around wanting to be connected as friends, lovers, to be loved, hugged, smiled at and spoken to. And the best bit is this, lest we forget or ignore this simple fact that we also have our own incredible selves to be friends with.... hmmmm this feels a little tricky doesn't it... why is it so difficult to allow our ourselves to be the natural antidote to our loneliness? 

Is this why Lonely feels it's okay to rock up to and encapsulate our sad, hurting hearts? Could it just be that Lonely is the majority shareholder of that powerful and egotistical of all perception clubs - The Feelings Club of Human Pain? The club run by a bunch of Mafioso head monkeys, the club where Lonely takes us, endlessly dancing with Lack of Self-Esteem.   We partake in heart messing activities, generally taking us down the less compassionate route as we hang out with bar flies like Emotions and Feelings.  And so we dance ignoring the collective of Past, Childhood and Judgement Pain who get up to shimmy, pinch our asses and pull some of their saddest memory moves on the dance floor of our lives .... and Lonely is the DJ.

So do I have space for that feeling Lonely? Not so much any more,… not since I made the decision to take my life off mindless autopilot, with the help of mindfulness and some difficult self-befriending. Sure I learnt that observing and sitting with Lonely is a whole lot kinder to myself, than perhaps activities such as immersing myself in shopping at the Avoidance Mall or endless online dating. 

You see I had created my life to be very, very busy, blogging, working, studying, being a Mumma, helping friends and family and there wasn't that much space left for anything else.  So I didn't have to truly face why Lonely wanted to befriend me, I thought I was all good, managing the lonely, ouchy moments. 

And the reason we aren't quite so adept at Being, is because we are just SO very busy Doing.  Our exhausted minds are stressed and sometimes wildly unfocused on so much that is not always helpful. And this is where Lonely sneaks us into The Feelings Club with a very non-VIP pass.

Does it feel comfortable allowing your extraordinary and lovely self to be a human "Being", can we take present moment time to remember we ourselves are our own most precious sanctuary in life? Compulsive consumerism, avoidance dating and functioning without feeling are never going to make room for you to find that most important friendship of all...  Yeah the one with the interesting, worthy, funny, intelligent and beautiful self that is YOU...  

Here are a couple of questions ...would you treat a favourite pet or friend the way you treat yourself when you are lonely? Would you poison the ones you love with unhelpful food, or substances, would you berate them for being too stupid, too fat or so worthless? So why is it then okay to behave that way towards ourselves?..... 

So next time Lonely and the gang comes a knockin’ on your Manor door, welcome them in, sit with them, make them tea, be happy to see them and understand they are visiting you only because you don't want them to...

And Lonely ever our personal solace friend of choice? Well just may be.... if we are feeling a little mischievous ....

With love x 

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