Friday, 20 March 2015

Divorce and The Moving On Bit



ONE day and it really, really does happen… you wake up, you feel different and that heavy rock that has resided so uncomfortably within your solar plexus for way too long, suddenly feels no longer there.  This doesn’t mean all your “stuff” has disappeared, it just means that your life, just maybe, is ready to move forward.

For so many mornings I have woken with such unsettling fear and haunted by the "chicken licken" factor... the sky was going to fall on my head... how would I ever recover from such a life transition... how would my children become balanced and once again happy, less wobbly and the gorgeous little people they are?

In that moment of waking up to a winter sky, to actually be able to smile and say to yourself “I am alive, I have friends and family who love me, I have food on the table, warmth of a fire and clothes on my back” this is the moment.  Having gratitude for all the good in your life is so important in being able to move on. This is when you know that for all those days you just existed and ticked off the daily divorce calendar, those days may just have become fewer. 

For me divorce days are like baby contractions.  They are a personal number you need to get through, some days better and some bad, however the baby still has to come out.  You may not have choices, you may feel out of control, but the birthing still has to happen. 


Divorce is a process and whilst we may be tolerant, organised and friendly, the deep down emotions of grief, resentment and loss, protected of course by the on guard fear monkeys, are still going to be hanging around until we are ready to embrace them.  

So we know, but may have just forgotten, with our little heads bowed under life, that the sky is always blue above the clouds. As we all step out a little tentatively into the new divorcee world, one not perhaps inhabited before, we have with us, our children, a new mix of friends and a fine old inner strength telling us we are not done yet.  Remembering who we are, the resilient inner you that somehow for a while became a little lost under the onion layers is worth celebrating. 

Write your bucket list, smile every day, say thank you for everything, good or bad and know it happened for reasons to teach us these hard lessons.  How we reacted and how we dealt with failure, pain and grief is our strength and undeniable resilience and this sets us up for the next part of the journey of our extraordinary lives.   
I read some worthy books that resonated, gave me comfort and the eternal positives I carry with me today.  Books such as Rhonda Byrne's The SecretLouise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life and Ekhart Tolle's The Power of Now.  There are so many good books out there, these helped me to find a place from where I could begin to grow again. Look for helpful books you are drawn to, read them and don't be afraid to recommend them on.  

Have a think about and maybe have a go at writing and repeating some daily positive, helpful affirmations.  I wrote about mine in a blog I posted earlier last year.  Affirmations can help your brain move out of the negative monkey mind set that can so easily be inhabited, so go train those monkeys! 


Using mindfulness and meditation is good, even for ten minutes a day, exercise and eating good balancing food is worth it too.  There is a space for chocolate and a large glass of red, so don’t be taking that personal beating stick out just because the choc/wine combo looked a whole load better an option last night than the green juice and nuts… 

Peeling back personal layers of hurt, confusion and fear is the good and it gives us true authentic knowledge of who we each are deep down. It can clarify and highlight our extraordinary ability to hold it all together whilst being kind, loving and respectful to our own good selves.  And in truth, to really love someone again starts with loving the inner you.  


Here is something for your fridge, your bathroom mirror or a note for your desk....


"Get the inside right. The outside will fall into place"... Eckhart Tolle
I hope this finds you all well and the sky blue above the clouds XX


PS  I think my blog is a little cross with me as it is refusing to post pictures... apologies from us both for the lack of ....

1 comment:

  1. Divorce counselling can direct you in the right way. If there are possibilities your married life will again be re-cherished and if not then the you can heal you pain bit easily.

    ReplyDelete

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