Sunday, 14 December 2014

Give Extra Love - Children, Divorce and Christmas Holidays

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at 
Christmas-time" Laura Ingalls Wilder


So here is December.... Celebrations are upon us and the one certainty is that we know Christmas and holidays even at their most genuinely festive and full of LOVE can be fraught with emotions.  

We are all coached subliminally for months for the best Christmas ever... So facing the prospect of Christmas and a divorcing scenario kind of renders us, with our already depleted energy banks, reindeers in the headlights and can send us running, startled for the New Year stars.  We know our head monkeys have been so specially planning the Christmas blitz. Our fears polishing the Don't Feel Good Christmas baubles, stuffing potential Little Strife Gifts into our holey emotional stockings and icing that heavy Heartbreak Christmas Cake.  Not forgetting the Wrapping Up of loneliness on an otherwise cheery Christmas morning and just Decking Out Those Halls with festive monetary concerns. 

So is not now really the time to take a huge, deep and egoless December morning breath and take a sweet Peter Panlike flight back to your childhood. To ever so gently take your inner child's hand in yours and look really honestly into your happy memory Christmas stocking.  Allow yourself to indulge in a childlike fantasy of everything that is Christmas; the magic, the wonderment, all the love and surprises

Gather up all your heart warming feelings in all their glittering,  joyful glory and tuck them into your big, hurting and divorcing heart.  Allow your heart to envelope, to merge and be imbued with these beautiful memories.  Give yourself permission to immerse yourselves into your Christmas Wonderland and then, holding all these precious thoughts reemerge into the present and your maybe, very different, Christmas.

As divorcing parents we really do not like to face the parts of our changing lives that matter so much to those we love the most, our children. 

So is divorce something we should focus on at Christmas? Is it a time to take our ex-marital, battery tired, Christmas light sabers out on each other? Is it possible that just for a couple of days, we can let our stuff go, we remember the incredible World War I Christmas Day Truce football match.  Do we need to be sat in our sad family trenches, in the seemingly cold mire of discontent, forgetting that all our children want is to be joyful, to play and feel loved.

Be the heart filled with love, as a divorcing parent or supportive family member. Know that you can leave your ego monkeys to be bored, dulled and useless, during this difficult, emotionally precarious and often painful festive time.  

We know as adults, that our children are dealing with change on a regular basis in divorceland. Understanding that what we can do, no matter how hard, is to preserve some of the beauty of their childhood magic and innocence. 

We are able to give our children and families, through all of this, a festive treasure that is the gift of gentle, sweet love of both parents, without pain, anger or blame during this time that is Christmas. 

Happy Christmas and love filled holidays ...... Natasha