Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Is a Good Divorce Better than a Bad Marriage for Children?


Okay, here's the situation....I'm in a bar when someone who is married, happily I believe, loosely throws in a remark that children from broken homes need 'special help' at school. It is not especially directed at me, more in the moment kind of remark. 

Since we have all been children, we should ask ourselves this?  If our parents rowed, argued or bickered even a little, how did it make us feel, deep down inside?  And if our parents ever occasionally did hug each other, compliment each other or KISS, how did we as children then feel?  

So the fact that as a divorced parent, who can genuinely hug their ex hello, perhaps not be rowing and is a whole load happier, is this what is going to send my children into the unpredictable 'special needs' behaviour meltdown room at school? Or is it this, as a child living in a permanent state of uncertain angst, with frustrated, married, unhappy parents is this not going to send those kids into the special ed corridor any sooner?  

Energetically, children have the master commander radars.  They don’t always understand why, but they do have the big KNOW when parents are not good, respectful and loving.
 
And here is the 'special needs' door on kids of divorced parents.    DOES the sun shining a little brighter with more love, happiness and truth in their readjusted lives with good divorced parents give them a better education for what really is important in a marriage or relationship? 

Or does the systematic sweeping of denial, anger and fear in a bad marriage give them a brighter 'hallelujah' snapshot of what adult relationships are really about? 

Is not the innate programming of a child geared to wanting everyone they LOVE in their lives to be happy and they will pretty much use their three magic wishes to have this be so?  

What is the deal breaker for children with unhappy parents? Is it a life of detached lies mixed with sporadic bursts of half hearted 'we are married' HAPPINESS laced with denial and thus jaded relationship optimism? Or is there a future of life lessons in divorcing respectfully, that teaches love out of conflict and a surety that kindness and truth can strengthen future relationships?

So out of all this, is my question... are children of divorced parents used as a bypass and/or an excuse for sad, angry, quiet or negative children when as many married adults are themselves suppressing all these emotions?  
How then does this affect their children? 

So ‘special needs’ for children of divorced parents... Could this perhaps be a scapegoat and mirror for everything that we might be fearing in a society that has sadly availed itself on so many levels of social and moral responsibility towards children no matter whether one is divorced or not?

With love Natasha x

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