Sunday, 23 November 2014

Divorce Goddess Tripping the Morning Fantastic

DO NOT be tempted to disrespect your divorcing self by walking out the front door looking like you just don’t care.  You are the first port of call in the flotilla of loving, caring and supporting ships bringing forth the beauty, peace, self-respect to your newly single life. 

No matter how dreadful you are feel on waking, how low in esteem you feel or stressed your hair and skin looks on bad nights sleep post break up. The daily machinations of getting it together and working it all out on your own are tiring and wearing, so try to remember the effort that is so rewarded when you do put your gorgeousness together.

Trash Walk of Shame entree was the morning I walked out my door with every single one of my wonderfully caring instincts screaming at me not to put the sheepskin slippers on... put THE trainers on...you have running kit on. So please, oh please, do not wear those to school, take that micro second time out, put the right footwear on even with the moth munched jumper, face devoid of anything but a couple of hormonal spots, hair pony tailed and a pint glass of aired water and lemon in hand.

But I did get into the car, my gorgeous children glad to be on their way to school at a reasonable time didn’t  notice in our haste and into the school car park I drove. Ho ho and what a surprise, to be waved down in the car park by a lovely helpful Mumma who asked if I was going to my Son’s pre-camp meeting NOW...    Aaahhh what ...right now... I peeked at the slippers, back at her and then at my Son whose camp meeting it was.  

My Daughter bolted for the school steps, even in their  no uniform school did the idea of Mother in sheepskin slippers do nothing for teenage daughter's self respect.  I agreed - well of course I did!  I walked into the school in a state of pre-espresso shame shock. BUT secretly and ever so quietly I was laughing. Laughing because I didn't listen to my fantastical intuition, that is there for so many good, valid and caring reasons.

So I walked into a full house classroom meeting, smiling and preempting any of their thoughts with a salutary “Guess the Mumma who forgot about the meeting today”…. My hot water and lemon still high in hand, remarked upon as being not dissimilar to a vodka tonic and bit early in the day..... So in amongst this brave, gung ho'ness, marched the fear monkey glamour army and I realised that whilst one can laugh at oneself in a situation like this, although funny, it could be the slightly sad "she's getting a divorce" scenario and this can only ever be done once. Preferably, in hindsight, not at all…. 

In public and especially if you are getting divorced, does it smack of losing that wonderful edge of control, self-respect and self-worth? Was there a slight sadness attached to the 'pity of divorce' laughter or was it the genuine gratuity of thank goodness it wasn't me.

However... a good morning belly laugh with lots of wonderful people is an immeasurable positive. The connection of laughter for humans is the EXTRA happy place, we relax, we heal and understand with grateful knowledge that everyone has those wrong call mornings. 

Getting your gorgeous self together every time you walk out of your door, rain or shine keeps that 'little goddess getting divorced' head of yours held humbly high, prepared and utterly grateful for what you can manage a little better because you gave yourself the time you utterly deserve.  

So, really we do not need to feel judged because we didn’t get it together to be the yummy mummy. Instead we can choose to give ourselves permission to look beautiful, glamorous and positive in our grace and beauty no matter what is going on in the monkey control centre of our very different, now divorcing life.

With love Natasha

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Is a Good Divorce Better than a Bad Marriage for Children?


Okay, here's the situation....I'm in a bar when someone who is married, happily I believe, loosely throws in a remark that children from broken homes need 'special help' at school. It is not especially directed at me, more in the moment kind of remark. 

Since we have all been children, we should ask ourselves this?  If our parents rowed, argued or bickered even a little, how did it make us feel, deep down inside?  And if our parents ever occasionally did hug each other, compliment each other or KISS, how did we as children then feel?  

So the fact that as a divorced parent, who can genuinely hug their ex hello, perhaps not be rowing and is a whole load happier, is this what is going to send my children into the unpredictable 'special needs' behaviour meltdown room at school? Or is it this, as a child living in a permanent state of uncertain angst, with frustrated, married, unhappy parents is this not going to send those kids into the special ed corridor any sooner?  

Energetically, children have the master commander radars.  They don’t always understand why, but they do have the big KNOW when parents are not good, respectful and loving.
 
And here is the 'special needs' door on kids of divorced parents.    DOES the sun shining a little brighter with more love, happiness and truth in their readjusted lives with good divorced parents give them a better education for what really is important in a marriage or relationship? 

Or does the systematic sweeping of denial, anger and fear in a bad marriage give them a brighter 'hallelujah' snapshot of what adult relationships are really about? 

Is not the innate programming of a child geared to wanting everyone they LOVE in their lives to be happy and they will pretty much use their three magic wishes to have this be so?  

What is the deal breaker for children with unhappy parents? Is it a life of detached lies mixed with sporadic bursts of half hearted 'we are married' HAPPINESS laced with denial and thus jaded relationship optimism? Or is there a future of life lessons in divorcing respectfully, that teaches love out of conflict and a surety that kindness and truth can strengthen future relationships?

So out of all this, is my question... are children of divorced parents used as a bypass and/or an excuse for sad, angry, quiet or negative children when as many married adults are themselves suppressing all these emotions?  
How then does this affect their children? 

So ‘special needs’ for children of divorced parents... Could this perhaps be a scapegoat and mirror for everything that we might be fearing in a society that has sadly availed itself on so many levels of social and moral responsibility towards children no matter whether one is divorced or not?

With love Natasha x

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