Sunday, 5 October 2014

Divorce and the Post Summer Holiday

Summer holidays already seem so very long gone. Harvests are tucked up in warm hay barns and the once laden berry bushes of promise and delicious treats are melted into jars for the winter ahead.

Why is it then, at this time of year, when we should all be snuggling down as the cosiest of loved up couples, do many decide that a hot water bottle, onesy or bar of chocolate is the trade off material salve for the warmth of our partner.   

How sad that the thought of a winter with cosy fires, warm stews and love should leave so many couples cold and bereft of the dark winter months of togetherness. 

The truth is, the post summer months are heralded as the busiest for the divorcing industrial machine. One so perfectly oiled during the heady summer months ready to catch, sort and distribute the chaff of troubled couples and families.  

And so with a reluctance and belief in the positives of what my divorce journey has been for me, I snuck a look back into our summer holiday road trip through France. Two years ago where on day three we decided to get a divorce.  It all came easyjetting back, those summer holidays of what, should in reality be, the scrummy summer pudding bake off, but so often, is the finale of another marital relationship.  

So why does a summer holiday become the overdone, hardened and disappointing ta daaaah moment?  There is no joy in taking your beautiful sponge cake out of the oven after all the commitment to the process, binding graft and your finest emotional ingredients, to be faced with a sunken, once was treasure devoid of any glorified love.

Why is it that holidays absorb so much that is vulnerable in marriage, exposing relationship truths and seek to, declare the arid, dry cracks that are clearly visible on a now quite barren relationship ground?

Summer holidays are booked with the wonderful belief of renewed excitement, the enveloping warmth of sunny togetherness and the time generous promise of a relationship bond. The simplicity head monkeys beckon us seductively out of our crazy, busy lives and so we gather up our children, our marital partners, our gorgeous holiday wardrobes and head off to an airport or dock with the heady feeling of a PROMISE.  We perhaps bat aside, with newly manicured hand, any of those head monkey malingering thoughts of potential holiday irritation.  Those especially associated with our partners, airport dramas or a long child filled journey on the peage. Instead we are eternally optimistic, looking forward to a fun, laughter filled and adventurous holiday of relaxation. The ideal, the lazy, the hazy endless days of beautiful love, sex and happy hearts.  

Has the summer holiday marker penned the highlighted truth that children bind, time together concentrates the mind and provides the reality checker for another year in a relationship? Does the thought of snuggling up with someone who we feel so far away from emotionally, leave us that cold, vulnerable to the chills of life and love. Does gorgeous autumn become the season to shed those dead leaves and is the opportunity to start anew?

The numbers would report a firm yes, with post-Christmas coming in a close second for the divorcing numbers. 
 Mediation is once again busy with those understanding their summer holidays confirmed their worst fears, vulnerabilities and the winter months approach with the chill of divorce upon them.

SO do we not want, with the end of the harvest and gathering of comforts, a time to bolster the depleted stores of love, care and respect for the heart of our other?  Or do we perhaps leave it for a few more months, in the hope that evenings together in comfortable iPad silence, will reignite the dying embers of our once burning hearts?  

With love Natasha x

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