Thursday, 26 June 2014

The Power in Forgiving Yourself

Self-forgiveness is really hard.  Within our lives, there are so many pressures to succeed, stay strong and maintain self worth. And these feelings have the ability, at any given moment, to sneak up and without warning, consume your mind, body and spirit.  

Being kind and forgiving yourself a little more through separation or divorce is weighty and sometimes an unexpected task now added to your perhaps List of Forgiveness jobs.

However, self-forgiveness does exist in all of our hearts. Why, because we all know that as with self-love, it is a good idea to start with our good selves first. How are we ever going to learn to forgive anyone else, until the blatant blaze of scary rawness within us is soothed, understood, given time and due process to be still and calm?

We have become so very proficient at layering up the proverbial guilt ridden and genius moments of indulgence.  Perhaps with unhelpful foods, smoking, drinking, feeling the big resentment, hurt, shame or anger... 

We already know that we will not disappoint the fear monkeys who sit on our shoulders waving that cupcake with a knowing nod to our guilt laden scales.  

Or the eternally optimistic ego, co-existing quietly and darkly with the head primates during our daylight hours. So why is it so hard to extend love and self-forgiveness to our good, loving and trusting hearts? Why can we not boost our sometimes lonely little battered spirit along its way? 

We can begin to understand the difference to our lives, by choosing, one day at a time not to beat ourselves up over the many sometimes, inexplicable life decisions. 

So is this the prescriptive daily judgement of being human which should govern our lives? Why do we do it?  Can we not just let the baton of self-flagellation be still for just one day, a week or possibly for ever?

Can we be the most focused, self-supporting and gorgeously forgiving gift to ourselves, especially during times of sadness, hardship and confusion?  Do we begin to allow this positivity of feeling to make the difference and become the AMAZING start to any day? 

Forgiving yourself is one of the most important steps in making peace with your life. Its about understanding you are a wonderfully loving human being.  It is all the happiness you can be and your amazing contribution of beautiful energy into the World around you.  

It could also be, that once in a while a little cake helps ....
With love Natasha

Friday, 13 June 2014

Father's Day and a Divorce

As all divorced mums and dads know there are just some days during the year that are trickier emotionally than others. Pulling the big bag of generosity out of our depleted reserves is thus sometimes a whole lot tougher than others.

Here is a question, in this modern co-parenting and divorcing, married and distance managing family world of ours are we all subscribing to Father’s Day?

We know that there are more Fathers now staying at home.  They are more hands on helping, contributing to childcare and supporting the family fabric of our lives.  As well, the good intentions of Fathers are there in their thoughts and actions, despite the balance of the pressures of commuting, long working hours and increasing financial pressures. 

So the marketeering monkeys are all set with cards, chocolates, books and golf or fish style additions to give our Fathers the assurance of love and worthiness. Whether you believe in celebrating Father's Day or not is immaterial. It can be a wonderful, caring opportunity for separating or divorced families to help make things good

Is it entirely possible to leave your ego at the door of your aching heart and gift your kids the value of time and effort to show their appreciation for their Dad?  Does then Father's Day become a day to relent a little, forgive and extend respect to the Dad of your children?

Are you so very fortunate in your relationship with the children's Father, to be able to support your children with the acknowledgement of their Dad in whichever role and in whatever form that is?

Can divorce become a big 'Welcome to Real Fatherville' flag to Dads who perhaps haven't in the past paid so much attention to their children and can really start to get to know them. The very fact that Fathers will have one to one time in the future with their children will certainly enable the 'getting to know' the every nuance our children have.  Divorcing dads may have to learn to cook, iron, organise homework and sort out the bickering and truly understand how much emotional support is needed during childhood and those divorcing tough times. 

Is it not right then, if your children's Father is present in whatever shape or form in your children's lives that Father's Day should be given due credence and note?  Or maybe not if that fine human emotion of respect has been dragged kicking and screaming into the fear monkey's castle of sadness, which is divorce. Or that our children associate the celebration of Father's Day as a big, smack in the tummy reality that their Father is just not around. Thus questioning that he even cares and does he warrant any such attachment such as recognition, love and respect?

So is Father's Day a celebration of what is good about Dads? Or is it yet another opportunity for feel the difficulties of single parenting and the tough realities of many modern families?

Could it just be that the simplicity is in the biological fact that he is their Dad. Fundamentally, it would seem that all children want to know is that the other parental half of what created them, in some way, could be acknowledged by his existence. That they are supported with the simple fact that their Dads are important in their lives.

I know that my children are happier for the their Dad and I show towards each other. They are more relaxed and content that he is a part of their lives.  Their Father’s Day this year will be a positive for him, their relationship and future will be all the more productive and respectful.  The ability to support this special eternal relationship will be a reward for all, that kindness and love is the way forward.

Just now need to get organised, find the arts and crafts regalia for the cards and with it the proclamation of Dad love

Natasha x

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