Wednesday, 21 May 2014

A Life NOT Full of Stuff

'Less stuff, better stuff, more experiences' ... the new mantra suggested by James Wallman in his book "Stuffocation"

Inevitably during separation and divorce there is the time where you both take a realistic look at your life together and begin to draw the material line.  

Whether this line is a firm pen line drawn definitively down the middle, a casual pencil wiggle or just walking away from the whole chattel caboodle is up to you both. 

However you choose to divvy up your worldly goods, you need to remember this is pretty much a life long decision. You really need to be sure you are not going to live to regret the day you gave the stuff away, that keeps the resentment monkeys living unhealthily inside your head and heart.

"... but it is my stuff, that I love, have bought and cherished ...."  Padding our lives out with 'stuff' bears out that fundamental human desire to surround and protect yourself with possessions.  It defines and gives us the social positioning we can choose to jostle for. It gives us recognition, places us in a pecking order within our socio-economic group and with it the seductive material reassurance of life worth.

So these lines we draw whilst sitting in anger, hurt and love? Which do we choose?  Do we choose to punish our Ex through material gain? Do we choose to be guilt free and act with grace?  
So what to do? How about letting go of all the material stuff you ever thought mattered? Can being the generous person and trusting that in letting it all go, you will pave the way for the Law of Attraction to click right on in and deliver? 
Many of us would like to think we could be good at managing without the shackles of 'stuff'. That we could all live more freely of what 'stuff' surrounds us, to enjoy life minimally, simply and cathartically. 
Divvying up your life accouterments is a real life lesson in letting go of what does not necessarily need serve you for your future.  For sure, especially with children in your lives, is it not better to have a little of everything known and familiar to them in each house? But really, do any of us need the attachment of anger and resentment to pieces of wood, metal or plastic that become part of the fabric of our wonderful future lives?

Is it easy to verbalise this until the possibility of stuff being taken from you becomes an ever so slightly heavier mantel to bear and you start to grip a little tighter. Thought processes surrounding 'stuff' kind of begins with the fears of being able to let go.  The irrational brain throws a long old party which is SO RSVP'd by the fear monkeys. They aren't letting in any one of those free thinking, mindful types and they are just not going to open the door to anyone who wants to play nicely.  

SO, help from other areas is always so fabulously welcome. Nowadays everything linked to technical brilliance can be backed up onto hard drives... the technological age has metered out its positives alone by diminishing the 'who has which CD' argument with a little downloading. So a little drive of small, manageable and organised hardness can be moved into your maybe smaller house and you can take all your music travelling... the days of crying over glorious vinyl for many of us are long gone ...   

Holding on to the thought process that 'stuff' empowers you is not always helpful. And invariably hands your fears of losing it to those dreaded monkeys who throw, with abandon, your power away. Fighting over who has ownership of what does nothing but invest in what DOESN'T serve you. It zaps the fantastical emotional freedom as materialism clogs up the life arteries and we end up hiding happiness, love and freedom beneath it all. 

And...isn't happiness, love and freedom what is really important in life? 

So is there a measure of how much we want something? Why does it matter who keeps what? Where does the line of pride fall?  

With love Natasha x

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