To be or not to be Lonely now that is a Divorce Question ...
Loneliness is an uninvited guest that knocks on your door, is always happy to overstay its welcome and engulfs you at a moment's notice.
You can feel the most loved person in a room full of friends, family and other people. If though, there is an iota of loneliness camped out in your heart, there is no one person but you who can bid it farewell. Loneliness is a necessary demon we all come face to face with at some point. It is wily, it is needy and random.
That was my lonely married status, with the umbrella of a husband somewhere over me affording me a degree of protection. Not as much as I would have liked, but nonetheless I stayed dry, sad and lonely. I made friends with the Internet, shopping mainly with a large glass of red. In fact I made friends with everyone and I was still lonely.
Did it matter that my husband was never there or was it a lesson in life that I needed to learn to help me move on? Was it a sign of what was to come, a learning and training ground for post separation and divorce?
On separating I found it easy to continue on with life. Nothing had changed much in terms of single parenting, I just got on with it. To live alone, without a someone still caring and thinking about me wherever they were in the world, made me realise I had systematically invited another aspect of loneliness in.
I congratulated myself for being so resilient and capable. I knew I was, I had some good training but what I was not prepared for was the loneliness attached to the lack of availability of help from my now Ex. I began to realise that he had been there for me in our marriage, that my situation now was real and devoid of any backup and that equalled the huge loneliness factor.
You make errors of judgement, you find those able, you think, to replace what you need. These are the delaying tactics employed, counteracting loneliness with booze, fags, bad sex and even worse company leaving you bereft of energy.
So how do you send this loneliness away? Why you make loneliness your friend. You start keeping loneliness close, you live with loneliness and once the acceptance of its existence is within your life, cold loneliness will leave.
Make friends with yourself, really truly start to make friends with yourself. Be kinder to yourself, buy yourself flowers, a book, go to the cinema, watch a film on your own and feel like you have no mates. Be the singleton at a party, on a holiday and pick up the brave, smiling and gracious you AND celebrate it!
Enjoy, embrace and acknowledge these times as part of a process, give yourself permission to cry yourself to sleep in your big empty bed. Sleep holding a pillow or hot water bottle and be proud of how you are managing this difficult time.
Every day know that whatever the loneliness you are feeling, that it is shared by so many around the world. Embracing this scary emotion is recognising your strength in your truth and life.
I know within my next relationship or marriage that I will be whole. I will not be dependent on the requirement of a partner to fill a void that has existed within me for such a long time as it will just no longer be there!
With love Natasha x
I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I have LITERALLY just created a private FB Group How to be a Divorce Goddess. If you want to be part of a positive, supportive and new divorce community, it would be lovely if you can join us.
My mission is to change the way society looks at divorce by creating a community of 'empowered, good and kind' divorce trail blazers, the showers, the way seers and goddesses and to do divorce differently! This is where I will be spending time during the week to answer any questions, share with you thoughts and tips to help you along your journey, post my FB lives and have some fun - laughter is the best medicine!
My wish for this group is to support each other, share experiences of the breakthroughs, tips to help keep your emotional, physical and mental well-being in a good place through your divorce and meet like minded lovely people all going through big stuff.
Instagram: Tosh Brittan