Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Difficult Co-Parenting Decisions - Your Kid's School

There are co-parenting decisions that are up there in the big beautiful heart breaking sky that are way harder than others.  They do not get any easier and there is no MAGIC essence of ease to clear the way through the dense throat constricting boa times. 

So...kids and their schools, do they stay?  Do they leave? Will you as a divorced couple still be able to, if possible, keep them at a fee paying school as your commitment to their happiness and a means to assuage your guilt? 

For the last 18 months X and I have been skirting around the issue of schooling, the BIG fat engulfing guilt of divorce that is born out through private schooling.  Our internal solar plexus area doing the clam shut quick cha cha bloomin’ cha EVERY time the heavy school bill envelope ever so gently crashes down on to the doormat ringing the doorbell on the way ….
Why is there is no simple solution?  Why, because we fear inflicting yet more pain on our children? We fear the look of surprise, fear and disappointment in their eyes of separation from friends, the future possible repercussions of the teenage blame game. 

We know changing schools is yet another fence in the divorce assault course that our good hearted loving children will have to find a way of overcoming. 
Most of all, we have a fear of the reality of letting go of what can no longer serve us financially as a separated family.

Rolling along with this decision for a perfectly good state education, are other stresses with another house move, the neurosis brass band starts up with the will we, won’t we get a place…. and even with ALL of this it’s the difference between happy co-parenting or the stress of X being a tax exile and rarely seeing his children ….

It’s a no brainer really ….

AND this time, X and I are good, committed co-parents who are friends.
Thinking back to the marriage era and the arguments that would have ensued had we the financial problems we have now.  We would have wheeled out the fear party monkeys to help us through the big, massive BLAME RAVE three day festival. 

So here we were X and I sitting down, working together, mapping out another part of our new lives so inextricably linked and much in harmony. We realised with such a huge sense of utter relief that we could simplify all of our lives, if we could just let this school fear go ....and were we brave enough now to just tell the children....
There is sadly no fast track scenic route through the big weighty decisions that still factor in the importance of the whole divorce scenario.  Knowing that the decisions you make together from a place of calm, mutual understanding and friendship have the most desired and less damaging outcome.  This is crucial to moving forward for you both and your gorgeous children.

With my love Natasha x


1 comment:

  1. Wow - tackling those big issues head on - good for you and the X!


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