Ok so those following my FB page may have seen a post I put up on Sunday morning. It went something like this ‘BOOK A TICKET AND JUST LEAVE’. ‘Uh oh’ a friend commented.So why did this little nugget sing so sweetly to me and smile the cunning, I know you want to do it smile. Why has this little bouncing thought bubble stayed oh so gently, nestling nicely within my Sunday brain head?
This thought has guided me to type into search engines words like’ cheap flights’,'beach' and ‘Ho Chi Minh’.
The idea hasn’t been banished yet, it’s still floating confidently with intent.What is stopping me?
I am an adventurer, a go getter and fly by the seat of my pants girl. So what is the block? I'll tell you what it is ….at present I am tired, pretty worn down by all the ‘stuff’ you feel like you are eternally having to deal with divorced or even married.
Be it house selling, children moving schools, financial stagnation and balancing your family's life whilst working our beautiful asses off.
Any more justification to jump on a plane needed at this point? Hmmm, evocative thoughts of a warm sea, bungalow on a beach and a sarong makes me feel like a baby, to be dropped off by the airline stork for love and Vitamin D, adventure and relaxation.However, as we all know, it does not ALWAYS work like this. NOT because I shouldn’t take time off and have an adventure, but because I just need to sit tight a little longer. I am learning as I get older to trust that being a little more patient will help the future outcome taste a whole lot sweeter, and whilst the F*** it attitude was once good, I no longer want life adventures defined by it.
Perhaps, after said three weeks of sunshine, back packing… with two kids and being able to kick back, would the tough life factors of the moment really be less troublesome? Would they pray on my mind opportunistically during less busy parts of the sun filled day or would I soar like an eagle, defy the destructive head monkeys and be serene in my judgement to have gone.
During the first few months of separation, I saw a most loving gorgeous younger man who lived on another continent. No pressure there except for organising childcare for the odd weekend away. I could pretend to be someone I wasn’t, marriage/divorce denial and confusion at their finest….
These were the weekends I 'ran’ away, flew away and I achieved mind, body and soul space of indulgent proportions. This was good to do, it gave me balance as the divorce process was so freshly squeezing the juice out of me and I needed to escape, laugh and actually know really good sex again.
So this is where you know you have moved on. Divorce has taught me patience, a trust that all will be well at the right time and Vietnam will still be there waiting.
Being married gave me the fortunate buffer of self-indulgent escaping, now I do it when it feels right. And just right now, there is a little part of me thinking that I am not supposed to go away just yet, as there is something a whole lot more nurturing and positive waiting for me around the corner.
So at this juncture in my quite unsettling life, would I like to take my children off for an adventure of epic and fantastical proportions – why yes, yes and yes! … Is it the most positive action for me... I am still not sure ...
Will keep you posted …
With love x