Thursday, 27 February 2014

LEARNING A DIVORCE SCARY AND OVERCOMING A SHOCK



Does your husband love his children?

I am asked by my solicitor… ummm yes, totally, very much …. Here's the thing -  this is GOOD news for me...

There are, as we all know, the divorces that end up in the nastiest bin of excessively mean detritus.

These can include the husband being offshore who decides he does not love his children which equals he doesn't have to pay a penny if he stays *off-shore ....
 
This is the fire and brimstone stuff that we all hear about and this leads to the DIVORCE PARALYSIS EFFECT... this is the stuff that gets the divorce pot really boiling. This is the mean, CRAZY and unnecessary bad stuff....

Why is this good for anyone ?  
Finding out that offshore husbands can hold such a powerful, fear inducing and important baton in divorce proceedings is going to set off that solar plexus flare of extraordinary powerful FEAR.

It explodes within every inch of your BRAIN, gives you a good emotional drop kick in the tummy and, just like that, you feel instantly, very, very sick. 
I try to believe and really BELIEVE some more, that this potential financial or geographical disaster zone of our lives cannot dictate how we will behave towards each other throughout our divorce. 
I silently, really cannot stop repeating the fact that he LOVES his children, he LOVES his children....  I feel like a child plucking petals off a daisy head putting the positive out there and wishing....a lot.
My Solicitor is fantastically positive even though there is very little left in any such monetary pot to fight over. Whatever is left, if X 'still 'loves' his children' will go in some way to putting a roof over their heads.  
I kind of look at her with that 'oh well, this is how it is' look. I have that little conversation with myself about how to proceed. It really is up to me and how far my FEARING and potentially warring ego wants to take this... I decide to lock my ego away, in a secure, super uber secure box.

(( HELP ))
As the immediate option of going for a walk in the park with a bottle of hard liquor in a brown paper bag is making itself known on one shoulder.... I am really hoping my Guardian Angel pops up early this week.
So, I put out a big day DREAMY positive thought bubble and within it I imagine beautiful, positive words such as ‘I have spent 20 years with this man …. He is STILL a fundamentally good man, who is not going to screw you and the children over.' 
I am still thinking that I would quite like to permanently drift away. The job market hasn't had me putting in the hours during the child rearing years. X overseas bar a week a month. Haemorrhaging money beyond our control and no FUTURE cosiness financially ....   



CAN FLAMINGO BIRD BEHAVIOUR CUT IT?
The fears start to amass, they cannot believe their LUCK, they have such a great party to attend and its only 9am on a Monday morning.  I am thinking I would quite like to be this flamingo.

So, I need not remove my head from the thought processes of fear, anger and disrespect currently on offer. I can also opt to hang out in the oblivion that is the unknown OR I can ....

BEGIN TO TRUST...
know and believe 18 months on that I am not an angry, fearful and stressed ex-wife. I am a positive, trusting and kinder divorcee and have realised I have the strength to focus on the good. 

I am not regularly reaching for a wine bottle, junk food or other unhelpful substances. I feel less like that wide eyed, fearful and SOON TO BE divorcee caught in the headlights sort of person.  I am trusting that all will be OK
I am calmer, understanding and loving to those around me and more importantly to MYSELFEmbracing your inner Goddess or God helps you feel immeasurably positive, more balanced and stronger. 

Helping yourself...
  • Really try to help yourself thinking positive thoughts from Day 1. Begin to understand this process can be about TRUST, your INTEGRITY and GRACE
  • DONT be inviting the fears to any of your private Goddess/God parties that you now hold in your calmer, trusting and positive brain!  Evict the unhelpful gate crashers and stand FIRM in your good big hearted belief!
  • BELIEVE you are worthy of having a good divorce
 
With my love Natasha x
 
  
* May vary depending on geographical location... go get the advice  x



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