Thursday, 27 February 2014

LEARNING A DIVORCE SCARY AND OVERCOMING A SHOCK



Does your husband love his children?

I am asked by my solicitor… ummm yes, totally, very much …. Here's the thing -  this is GOOD news for me...

There are, as we all know, the divorces that end up in the nastiest bin of excessively mean detritus.

These can include the husband being offshore who decides he does not love his children which equals he doesn't have to pay a penny if he stays *off-shore ....
 
This is the fire and brimstone stuff that we all hear about and this leads to the DIVORCE PARALYSIS EFFECT... this is the stuff that gets the divorce pot really boiling. This is the mean, CRAZY and unnecessary bad stuff....

Why is this good for anyone ?  
Finding out that offshore husbands can hold such a powerful, fear inducing and important baton in divorce proceedings is going to set off that solar plexus flare of extraordinary powerful FEAR.

It explodes within every inch of your BRAIN, gives you a good emotional drop kick in the tummy and, just like that, you feel instantly, very, very sick. 
I try to believe and really BELIEVE some more, that this potential financial or geographical disaster zone of our lives cannot dictate how we will behave towards each other throughout our divorce. 
I silently, really cannot stop repeating the fact that he LOVES his children, he LOVES his children....  I feel like a child plucking petals off a daisy head putting the positive out there and wishing....a lot.
My Solicitor is fantastically positive even though there is very little left in any such monetary pot to fight over. Whatever is left, if X 'still 'loves' his children' will go in some way to putting a roof over their heads.  
I kind of look at her with that 'oh well, this is how it is' look. I have that little conversation with myself about how to proceed. It really is up to me and how far my FEARING and potentially warring ego wants to take this... I decide to lock my ego away, in a secure, super uber secure box.

(( HELP ))
As the immediate option of going for a walk in the park with a bottle of hard liquor in a brown paper bag is making itself known on one shoulder.... I am really hoping my Guardian Angel pops up early this week.
So, I put out a big day DREAMY positive thought bubble and within it I imagine beautiful, positive words such as ‘I have spent 20 years with this man …. He is STILL a fundamentally good man, who is not going to screw you and the children over.' 
I am still thinking that I would quite like to permanently drift away. The job market hasn't had me putting in the hours during the child rearing years. X overseas bar a week a month. Haemorrhaging money beyond our control and no FUTURE cosiness financially ....   



CAN FLAMINGO BIRD BEHAVIOUR CUT IT?
The fears start to amass, they cannot believe their LUCK, they have such a great party to attend and its only 9am on a Monday morning.  I am thinking I would quite like to be this flamingo.

So, I need not remove my head from the thought processes of fear, anger and disrespect currently on offer. I can also opt to hang out in the oblivion that is the unknown OR I can ....

BEGIN TO TRUST...
know and believe 18 months on that I am not an angry, fearful and stressed ex-wife. I am a positive, trusting and kinder divorcee and have realised I have the strength to focus on the good. 

I am not regularly reaching for a wine bottle, junk food or other unhelpful substances. I feel less like that wide eyed, fearful and SOON TO BE divorcee caught in the headlights sort of person.  I am trusting that all will be OK
I am calmer, understanding and loving to those around me and more importantly to MYSELFEmbracing your inner Goddess or God helps you feel immeasurably positive, more balanced and stronger. 

Helping yourself...
  • Really try to help yourself thinking positive thoughts from Day 1. Begin to understand this process can be about TRUST, your INTEGRITY and GRACE
  • DONT be inviting the fears to any of your private Goddess/God parties that you now hold in your calmer, trusting and positive brain!  Evict the unhelpful gate crashers and stand FIRM in your good big hearted belief!
  • BELIEVE you are worthy of having a good divorce
 
With my love Natasha x
 
  
* May vary depending on geographical location... go get the advice  x



Monday, 24 February 2014

Does this Divorcee find love in Paris??


So did I find love in Paris....

Why of course I did, love is everywhere, but even romantic Paris does not have the exclusivity on LOVE...  it is on every street, in every village, town and city. 

Love is especially everywhere, when separating and divorcing, permeating your every day existence.  

Be it the attachment of grief to love, fear of love or reliance on a now broken love that is especially felt when a marriage breaks down.

We can feel the lack of love in divorce if we choose. We can send any aspect of painful love away with utter, aching and hurting abandon. Then there is a little nudge and we suddenly see a momentary flash which reminds us that true, powerful and wonderful love never ever leaves us.

Be it an elderly couple holding hands, a Mother seeing her child across the road, teenagers in first buds of love, or a couple who reminds you of what you were once part of ....  it is everywhere.

Fighting the fact that love is everywhere, does nothing for the gorgeous, amazing you.  No matter how much the fear monkeys are bouncing around inside your head, or the hope for some semblance of a emotional band aid, freedom from pain and respite for our aching hearts. Rejecting love does not do your beautiful heart justice.

As I began once again to notice the touches of love, I started to embrace future possibilities and trusted I could emerge with as little divorce baggage clouding my outlook, dulling the fantastical horizon of life and all that it still holds. 
  
I began to recognise that I was worthy of a great love once again and that because I was a divorcee it made not a jot I tell you, of sense in thinking that it would elude my life forever. 
Do not be tempted to put the "never againinto your future. Surround yourself with the sweetness of love, from your family, your friends, your children and the beating of your good heart.

Believe and know in your gorgeous and beautiful hurting heart that it does all exist. It just seems so incredibly scary to recognise that you may be worthy again of being in love.

Paris gave me hope that the big scary EVERYTHING that I have been through still gave me the desire to hold hands in the Tuilerie Gardens, to be kissed in front of the Mona Lisa and lovely arms around me under the Tour Eiffel.

Avec mon amour Natasha x

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Saying goodbye to your children Video Blog


So, here's the thing, being brave, good and true reaps REWARDS.

After your children arrive at your Ex's and you call to say hi, you know that being cool, authentic and with a loving heart is going to make that phone / Skype call a whole load better.

So when your EX, your ex Mum-in-Law and her Husband, ALL those family members now looking after your beautiful children are saying a warm, smiley and genuine hello to you ... 


THAT IS ENORMOUSLY POWERFUL FOR EVERYONE 


Saying goodbye to your children Video Blog

With my love Natasha x

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Divorce and Staying in Control

Separation and divorce throws you headfirst into the VULNERABLE, scared and trapped zone. You CAN find your inner strength and belief that this situation does not need to govern your future, your beautiful positive future life.

FLOOD WATER FEARS

Our fears start to encroach like flood water. Once they start and you don’t make efforts to stop them, they can begin seamlessly to take over your life. You feel out of CONTROL , then anger, bitterness and resentment are given free reign to party in your overburdened, tired and stressed head. 

On Friday I was outside in the lashing windy rain, digging rubble and sand, shifting from one pile to another, attempting – with a degree of SUCCESS, to change the direction of flood water.  

Flood waters are muddy, full of floating unhelpful debris that enter into your life uninvited and settle in your home, your mind and heart. 

SHIFTING BAGGAGE

Shifting all the baggage we carry around in our lives, especially after a breakdown of a relationship is mentally harder, scarier AND resolvable.  I refuse to let those fears flood in, to allow them to introduce unhelpful, resentful and uncontrolled wreckage into my life.  

Do I allow those fears to remind me with any bitterness that I do not have a partner to support me. I am not tempted to wish my marriage had been better and that my X should have been here, instead I have LEARNT to let that unhelpful stuff go.

Shifting baggage in our lives is hard, we do not always feel quite as strong or prepared as we would like.  We know that staying physically and emotionally strong will help the outcome, rather than leaving the detritus, the flood of fear and the end result to consume our lives.

BACK IN CONTROL

So in stemming the flow of muddy water into my home, I once again felt in control.  I had made this effort, I was rewarded and it was another small step in the rise of self-worth.
Do not let the flood waters of fear ebb into your LIFE.  They are not helpful to you or your CHILDREN, they represent uncertain, fearful change and as such can become, if left for too long, out of control. 

So prepare and gather up your fantastic life tools to keep yourself strong.  Have the CONFIDENCE in your ability, be kind to yourself, respectful and ultimately you begin to commit to daily positive housekeeping of the mind and the energy in your home.
With my love Natasha X


  

Friday, 14 February 2014

Homemade Love

Homemade love!
Happy Valentine's Day to all you beautiful loving people.
 
 
 
Be the LOVE you want to receive and be brave enough to know that pain doesn't last forever unless you give it permission



 

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Divorce Goddess Video Blog

This is the GULP moment when you realise that YouTube courts you TOO and you said yes! 

You do your bit for the camera sitting on the floor, wondering how bad your wrinkles are looking and saying  "ummm" a lot. 

This will I hope, give you more info about me, what I believe in and how fortunate I am.

Gratitude with LOVE


 Info Video Blog about Me and some other stuff...

 

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Happy to be Divorced on St Valentines?


Love is the most beautiful aspect of our human nature and as such is to be hugged, kissed and loved in all its fantastical glory.
However, what I am ever so slightly bothered about are the machinations of publicity surrounding Valentine’s Day. 

Should divorcees feel the need to enter into the all singing and dancing cheap love tat arena that is now packing out Valentine’s Day?  Do we need to subscribe every year to this fandango on the day of love?  Is it OK to opt out? 
Is it ok to be whole in your beautiful self that just for this year, you can choose with your head and your heart and realise you are worthy of NOT receiving any of the top tat for St Valentines.

From an early age we are taught and shown that if you are unlucky enough to not receive a Valentines card on said day you are not loved, you do not feel very special and you are not worthy. 

Demo of Love Day

School left you with that ever so slight feeling of shame that your worth wasn't acknowledged to be included in the yearly demo of love day. Was it because we weren’t beautiful enough, funny enough or indeed nice enough? 
On this day many of us will, I suspect disappointingly look a little critically at ourselves, deeper into our big gorgeous loving and perhaps slightly aching hearts. So the lead up to St Valentine’s Day is probably the most exciting part, with all of us opening our hearts up to the possibilities of love and happiness  

Free not to celebrate 

I once bought a beautiful card for a lovely man and I never gave it to him. I realised that I wasn’t prepared any more to give someone a card, who I didn’t love. This card wasn’t conditional, it demonstrated that I could no longer pretend to be in love with someone.  Separation and divorce eventually frees and releases you of the requirement to buy into the needful. 
Cheap Fizzy POP
Divorcees give yourselves permission to NOT be in love on Valentine’s Day. Celebrate that you are released from the card scour, vastly overpriced, non-smelling roses, drinking fizzy vino pop and joining hundreds of loving couples at the table of the inflated fixed price dinner.

Someone giving flowers on any other day of the year and scooping you off to dinner, just because... now that’s the romance, that’s a Valentine’s Day. 
SO, have I become jaded and bitter about what love means to me post-divorce or is it because I just find it ever so slightly difficult to swallow the tat dished up without maybe real love and care. 
I overheard a man the other day saying to his friend, “I’ve got her a cheap bottle of bubbly, she’ll be happy”  No, no and no!!!!!  Is this right? Or is it wrong?  It is Valentine’s Day, does it matter, does anyone care too much anymore or is there still somewhere a loving thought?
So on this wondrous day when we should all be feeling the Love, could it be that it is now consigned as being one of the saddest days of the year?

Exemption or renewal?
And maybe on separating, divorcing or if single you feel thankful to be exempt from the dirge of Valentines. Or maybe you are so incredibly excited by a new partner in your life that you have renewed vigour of love, romanticism and the real desire to write that card!

Happy Valentines Day to you all!

With my love Natasha

Sunday, 9 February 2014

YOU CAN QUIT THE ARGUING

End of relationship noise levels in the camp of argumentation increase not only in regularity but also in volume. 

The frustration of not being heard, life feeling like it is spiralling out of control and the company of fears hanging out in your head promoting divorce anger all contribute to the BIG arguing wretched place. 

STRESS MONKEY
When you argue, you haemorrhage positive ENERGY that you really need to have hanging out within you. The stress monkey now seeks out the company of fears in your head. You will NOT be the calm, balanced and rational person you really need to be, if ever your Ex is going to listen to you. 

Why we should not argue. You know why, we all KNOW why, because arguments are about the unkind, unnecessary and mean stuff that neither of you wants to say or needs to hear.

NO MORE ARGUING
The thing is about people going through the divorce process is that we are ALREADY so tired of shouting, grumpiness and arguing. Look at the benefits of saying to each other “Let’s stop arguing now, let it go from here on in" and give yourself that certain knowledge that you have made a defined, positive and difficult decision.

Just putting these thoughts out there is a wonderful intention to changing the argument factor. You know in your heart of gorgeous hearts that being CALM, kind and patient is the way forward.

ARE WE NOT ALL DONE WITH THE ARGUING? 
The divorce trail does not need more arguments. They serve no one but the big grasping negativity magnet in the corner. I was so RELIEVED when we separated in many ways, none more so than the I was so exhausted by the constant bickering, arguing and the sick feeling of bodily stress that accompanies this outpouring of bad stuff.
 
A new Law of Separation and Divorce, “thou shalt not, because you need not, argue any more”. Amen! 

I didn’t want my children’s Father to be synonymous with arguments. He is half of my children’s make up, of their beautiful good and lovelieness. I felt that I no longer needed that negative attachment in our lives. I want to look at our children and know that they are made up of the best bits of me and their Dad. I want them in EVERY way to be representative of the good stuff that existed within our relationship. 
STEP OUTSIDE

Nobody likes shouting, least of all your children. We tried incredibly hard not to argue in front of the children, to breathe and step out of the room if we needed to talk or shout. Now we arrange to talk away from the children, we go for a WALK and somehow being outside in the fresh air negates the option to raise our voices. You do not feel hemmed in, restricted and this is good.
CHILDREN HAVE RADAR EARS

Children have radars so finely attuned to parents voices, they know before you do, that there's an argument looming. You know you are heading that way. They ask us if we are going to have an argument, this is a huge leveller.  If you TRULY, within your good hearts are seeking a kinder divorce then listening to your children is so important. 

Your children are EMPOWERED just to know that they are being listened to, the potential fight stopped in its tracks. Acknowledging your children becomes a marker PEG on the divorce path for goodness, moderation and respect.                      
  • Clear your head with a run or a walk, go get fresh air before talking
  • Talking divorce stuff away from your kids is imperative
  •  Arguing is pointless, unhelpful and negative for everyone 
Love Natasha

QUIT ARGUING ITS JUST TOO BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Friday, 7 February 2014

4 WAYS TO GET YOUR DIVORCE GROOVE WORKING




SO.... here’s the bright, shiny and easy GROOVE...
 
It is NOT the bothersome and irritating muzac playing in the background, it’s the cool groove within your fantastical positive THINKING. You have to be committed to this GROOVE and it makes Separation and Divorce a whole lot EASIER to listen to.

So you can decide what is on your divorce play list…

THE OLD SKOOL PLAYLIST

You have the OPTION to play some real legalista, banging beats tunes. This legalistas are going to give you strobe lights, loud thumping tunes and you most probably will to have to return to that Club many times over. Could it be that you are guaranteed to come out of that Club after many hours with the biggest stress, anger induced and fearsome headache? Will it be the BIG one that makes you realise all other previous hangover thumping heads seemed like a spa treatment in comparison?

DIVORCE CLUB
Wishing you were as COOL AS, that you could become a seasoned Divorce Club regular without any of the downsides, really? Sure you can take lots of drugs which will dull the inevitable, make drug company shareholders HAPPY and these will prolong the agony before you are back in the angry Divorce Club pulling fancy moves on the dance floor in the HOPE of getting some attention.

Try loading, downloading or listening to some banging beat music. Listen to how your body reacts and begin if you don’t already, to UNDERSTAND how your mind starts feeling. You can feel CHARGED up and ready for anything, try it and let me know how you feel.
So let us UNDERSTAND and know there is a need for legal beats in our lives regarding separation and divorce, but we can opt for a more CONVIVIAL approach …. Could it be, the divorce tide is turning and there is a sweeter sounding, non-invasive and KINDER alternative?

MEDIATION MOVES

OK I am putting this out there. Mediation tunes, these are the smart FUTURE binaural beats or feel GOOD tunes, growing in popularity and really being SUPPORTED by the banging beat, Clubbing legalistas.

We are ABLE to download these tunes if we want to, they are easy to download, many legal practices are signing up and supporting these tunes, but just maybe there is part of us that doesn’t quite trust them yet.  Really, are there other ways to divorce other than heading into the scary, teeth gnashing expensive club land? Are we as a divorcing couples just not too sure about them yet.  BUT and here is the SECRET, we know and believe there is a really GOOD chance that the alternative will help RELIEVE separation and divorce stress. This help is out there to alleviate the emotional, physical and mental toll and finally the financial left hook bills that accompany, in racing chariots, negative divorces.
CHILL ZONE 
Instead of going to the Divorce Club and going stressfully mental… The big hearts that are YOU and your Ex can enter into the Mediation Chill Out zone, have a cup of whatever tea you wish for and know this isn’t going to give you a really big, mean headache. You can sit feeling SAFE and understand that this is not about the big divorce fight. It is about a FAMILY unit that has broken and you are here to work some of your good trusting heart and TLC into this process of “working through” the NEEDFUL in a supportive, positive and BALANCED environment.

IT IS ABOUT THE GOOD

Everyone and by EVERYONE, I mean YOU, your Ex and trained independent MEDIATORS, have seen the effects of mean divorces. There is nothing tummy warming, laughter giving or positive about negative, angry divorces. 

With Mediation, all who are present are here with HOPE and respect for a positive outcome of divorce, with the love we have for our brave selves, our beautiful children, families and friends and this is the real true GOOD. This is about what we can do to minimise any further arguing, aren't we all really done with arguing?  It is about sitting around a table talking - as hurting and fearful adults, who, somewhere along the way got caught up in something that has the capacity to grow with expediential ease into a whole big cloud of raging negativity and hate. 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE THIS CLOUD WHATEVER POSITIVE ENERGY YOU HAVE LEFT TO GROW ANY MORE MALCONTENT!  

Our own MEDIATORS and we were assigned two, due to the financial and fearful chaos cloud surrounding our existence, hang on a moment - we had two - for the fantastic price of one! How already SUPPORTIVE was that? We hadn’t even had a cup of tea and it was already FINANCIALLY making sense. ... our own Mediators were smiley, professional working Mums, my X and I both felt at ease.  We understood quite quickly that committing to this process was going to help us in ways that we never realised, trusted or understood exist in the divorce world.  We walked out of our first session and gave each other a hug in such relief at the support we had just experienced in that one first session.
 
GENTLE MUSIC

So here we all are in the Mediation chill out Club, because it is a positive, independent and non-confrontational way to try to help struggling couples. It is a supportive area for couples who really don’t much like pulling mean moves in the ego-centric, divorce, break dance arena. 
We want the easy, GENTLE beats and feel good MUSIC that helps us through the tough times of grief, sadness and disappointment, so easily felt in the separation and divorce world.  We want to know that when we walk out the Mediation door we can breathe a little easier and bid each other farewell respectfully.  It is warming to know that the rest of our day, week, month or year could be a whole lot less stressful and the tsunami of pain that accompanies divorce can seem a little easier to manage. 
Life is stressful enough without supercharging it. 
THE COLLABORATIVES
This is the process where you get to jam with the legalistas, these are the other respectful OPTIONS. Collaborative Law, which kind of reminds me, and forgive me Law Society, of a US film scenario with four people around a conference table high up in Manhattan heights.  
So it is YOU, your collaboratively trained lawyer, your Ex and his/her lawyer all working it out together and reaching a GOOD amicable outcome ... an AGREEMENT
This is full of the cool music magic too as the couple and their lawyers all make a commitment to this approach and thus avoiding court. Jamming is the GOOD too.
ARBITRATION
This is the private party, the divorcing couple with their own DJ....Your DJ is the independent arbitrator who makes the decisions about any disputes to do with property or financial issues. 
You want your DJ to play tunes you both like listening to and you kind of need to CHOOSE from too. Sometimes you just cannot make all the judgement calls or take responsibility for some of the big tough decisions lounging around waiting for direction so work with an ARBITRATOR.
 
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE WHAT IS GOING TO WORK FOR YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS LIVES.  THE DECISION YOU MAKE ON HOW YOU PROCEED THROUGH THE DIVORCE PROCESS HAS TO WORK FOR YOU BOTH
KINDLY, RESPECTFULLY AND MINDFULLY
 
 
It is important to get independent legal advice on all aspects covered by this blog which is representative of my personal opinions only lovely folk.
With LOVE Xxxx

Sunday, 2 February 2014

FIVE MONDAY QUOTES TO HELP YOU AND KEEP YOUR DIVORCE POSITIVE


Here are 5 of my favourite MAGIC fantastical SOUL FOOD quotes that get me thinking positively.

It was hard to make choices with so many amazing quotes out there. I had so much fun reading through all the quotes that I have been collecting along the way. I feel blessed that so many of them resonated with me on so many different levels, my day was so positive! 

Like my FB Page Divorce Goddess for daily inspirational quotes<3

Choosing quotations that are chock full of soul food helps with the big ouchy salt-on-the-wound days. This a really good way to help gather your POSITIVES, give yourself a big hug and smile a lot. 

I found reading these quotes lit me up inside, they helped me to breathe, to relax and focus on BRAVELY stepping ahead and facing those unknown scary hurdles.

THE MAGIC OF THE GOOD

I like this simple quotation as I try to be as GOOD a person as I possibly can be every day, especially on hard hurting days.

Being GOOD kind of takes you away from the bad thoughts and you begin to understand how EMPOWERING that is. You also begin to feel wonderful KARMA working.

As well I now understand by putting out the GOOD you somehow nudge others, which in turn nudges others and creates the butterfly effect.

How AMAZING would you feel knowing you were part of this effect?

LETTING IT ALL GO


Trying to control everything just gets our gorgeous Goddess knickers in a big old fearful twist.  Even the small stuff gets fed and becomes huge!

Letting go, whether its emotional or physical 'stuff' is cathartic, its a great opportunity to release and begin the process of healing YOU.

 



GORGEOUS WORTHINESS

WOW these words are so IMPORTANT in the process of separation or divorce.

You are a Divorce Goddess, you are AUTHENTIC in your belief and actions. You are being the kindest, generous and FORGIVING person you can be.  

Know as well there are days where you may have stumbled. Let it go, try not to pick up the emotional self-punishment stick, you DONT need to punish yourself for feeling disappointed, worthless and guilty.

You are a loving, TREASURED and gorgeous human being.

CHANGE IS SO SO GOOD

Separation and or divorce are a huge life CHANGE and to give you the strength to move on it is so important to begin to change your mind set.

It is a bit like entering into Alice in Wonderland's crazy world and realising that nothing is quite as it was.

Understanding these beautiful words will help you hugely to learn to move on with GRACE and power.

 

SIMPLE

Simplicity is just what is required sometimes. Remembering that there is good in places in our lives, every day, gives you that tummy warming positive outlook glow.






INDULGE ME .... QUOTE CANDY

I am never quite sure personally whether it’s the pictorial content in this quote which makes me feel instantly better, or the quote itself.

FACT: Divorce and separation are a hard reality to wake up to every morning.  The hard ball of reality resides in your tummy and it can feel like it is never going to leave. 

APPROACH: The situation with time, a positive attitude and respect, goodness and trust in your BEAUTIFUL heart, becoming less painful and more self-empowered.

QUOTATIONS UPLIFT, FOCUS AND MAKE YOU SMILE
  • Stick them up on the fridge, on the mirror and read whilst brushing your teeth, screen savers, car dashboard etc etc.
  • These quotes are real, written by real people feeling all these emotions and thoughts.
  • Embrace them and pop them into your Goddess bag of pick-me-up tools.


Copyright bit - credit to all those quoted whether it is stated on the quote or not.  These quotes are not my words or artwork :)