Friday, 24 January 2014

Beautiful Divorce Goddesses

“Hi my name is C, I overheard you are getting a divorce, so am I”.   

Whoooah, glass of wine brain is hijacked by the DIVORCE word at a friend’s birthday party on this beautiful sunny afternoon… “Oh goodness, I am so sorry”, I find myself saying in some kind of unprepared and thus sad, limp way and then follow up a resoundingly daft question such as “How long has it been?” 
 It then dawns on me …It is ME who is being asked about divorce, I am in the big ‘D’ conversation and it is not ME who has initiated it 

The Lightbulb Moment

This conversation was with an unknown LADY, a friend of a friend, someone who appeared so raw, BRAVE and beautiful.  I wanted to reach out to her, to HELP her with all my heart, but I didn’t know where to start or how.  
I guess therefore that somewhere in this unchartered conversation of “my life walls have come tumbling down space”, I was given the IDEA to write about my own divorce experience and where my headspace had been during this mostly unknown and unspoken about minefield of a time. 
It has been over 18 months since AGREEING to a divorce and it is the first time I had spoken to a stranger who was just beginning to step into that process of finality and grief.  These feelings exist for BOTH parties in so many guises and with so many layers. 
So I decide to take a brave and scary pill – and frankly the smallest of the BRAVEST and scariest pills that I have swallowed during this time and I decide to put pen to paper and write my innermost thoughts on a subject that I thought I was experienced in, having gone through one with my parents, but in reality I was totally UNPREPARED for? 

My Own Marriage

My marriage had been latent for so many years due to a tax exiled husband and we had spent so very little time together.  Sporadic attempts at couples COUNSELLING which did result in a six year reprieve, until we became once again angry strangers. 
The pain I carried of past hurts and buried anger, lack of RESPECT and recognition of evolving as independent people, but not together as one entity, leant heavily against our fragile indoctrinated awareness to SUCCEED in ‘marriage’.  We lived overseas, the schools were not that great and our daughter was nearing 12 years, so decisions had to be made.  I moved back to the UK with the children, our dogs and worldly chattels. 
Helping In The Crazy Divorce World...

These posts are part of my story, as a cathartic SELF-HELP guide to all those wonderful women and men who find themselves where I am and indeed where I have been this last 18 months.  It is for those who havedesire to be MINDFUL and KIND to each other whilst in the very crazy, upside down sort of divorce world, as opposed to the unhappy marriage.  
I do not consider this as representative in any way of anyone else’s situation and feelings about certain subjects I have covered... But... if it helps in any way...

With my love Natasha

Today’s Gorgeousness
Try to remember that divorce is not FOREVER and it does not DEFINE the future wonderful YOU!

“The words you speak become the house you live in”  Hafiz


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